GQAny magazine can do a year-end list of influential people who have accomplished far more than most of us ever will. But only GQ possesses the iron testicles to count down the twenty-five least significant men and women of 2012—a collection of people so uninspiring that we should round them all up and stick them on an iceberg. Please note that these folks are ranked in no particular order, because all zeros are created equal.

1. Mitt Romney
2. Amanda Bynes
3. Madonna
4. Dwight Howard
5. Gotye
6. George Zimmerman
7. Michelle Obama
8. Ryan Lochte
9. Gregg Williams
10. Sandusky’s Lawyer
11. Guy Fieri
12. Keith Olberman
13. Lance Armstrong
14. Billy Crystal
15. Bobby Valentine
16. Whoever directed John Carter
17. James Dolan
18. Aaron Sorkin
19. Adam Sandler
20. Remaining scraps of OWS
21. Jamie Dimon
22. James Brady
23. Jim Lehrer
24. Hulk Hogan
25. Tucker Carlson

Ordinarily I bash lists but this one is a solid B+. Some great names of people who truly didn’t do shit this year. Jim Lehrer is a phenomenal pick. I know they said this list was in no particular order but Jimmy is a runaway as the #1 least influential person of the year. He might be the least influential person of all time. His performance at the first debate was a masterpiece of insignificance. Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer is another great choice. What a job that was. That guy could have threatened to kill an infant baby if Jerry Sandusky was found guilty and that still wouldn’t have influenced anybody on that jury. I’m pretty sure Jaime Dimon may have had just a tad of influence when he made decisions that lost the firm $6 billion and changed the economic climate of the world overnight. Also Ryan Lochte redefined the word douchebag – thats influence right there. Here’s a few people I think they missed:

1. Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow

Give Mark and extension but bring in a starting quarterback as a backup! Mark Sanchez should start! No Tebow should start! Lets run the wildcat! Blah blah blah. Both guys suck. They have done absolutely nothing this season. Aside from influencing snarky jokes on the back page of the Post, neither of these guys have influenced anything.

2. Mets Management

What exactly has Sandy Alderson done? I think his job description is “Let all the bad contracts expire and play minor leaguers drafted by Minaya.” Dude is just a puppet sitting there doing absolutely nothing while the Wilpons try to stay afloat. Just lowballs players, lets them walk, and gets nothing in exchange for them.

3. Jason Bay

Do you wanna know how not influential Jason Bay was? The Mets decided that nothingness was more influential than him. It was like “We can pay him $19 million to do what he does, or pay him 19 million to not exist” and they chose non-existence. That is the definition of being insignificant. Nothingness is more valuable than you.

4. Gary Bettman

I don’t give a shit about hockey and I don’t know whats happening with the lockout. But when you’re the commissioner of a league that locks out like every 3 years clearly you ain’t doing shit at work. Hockey had like its best year ever ratings wise and somehow the season got canceled. What a clown.

5. Penn State Students

Penn State students spent the whole time having vigils and rallies and protests stamping their feet about Joe Pa and statues and how awesome football is and the whole world was just like “Nah, you guys suck.” Hooting and hollering about THON and shit and the world basically told them nobody gives a fuck. Still a bunch of cult weirdos.

6. KO Barstool

Hey Anna Siembor how’s my ass taste! Thats a metaphor, by the way. I’m not talking about you actually performing sex acts on me. Its a joke, you know? Thats what we do here. Tell jokes. Luckily the whole world understands that and thats why we’re still here, growing bigger and more successful every day while you and your crew of feminist freaks come up with the next group you want to waste your time protesting.

7. Neil