648054600021

LANCASTER– A man was stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer after asking a woman to silence her cell phone in a movie theater, a sheriff’s department official said.  The stabbing occurred last Saturday at the Cinemark 22 theater at 2600 West Avenue I in Lancaster, according to Detective Richard Cartmill of the Lancaster sheriff’s station.  Deputies say that while the movie was playing, a woman was talking on her phone and the victim asked her to turn it off.  The victim was attacked by the woman’s boyfriend and another man. Deputies say he was stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer.

Now I know what everyone is thinking: kmarko you’re so fearless, you’re the champion of common courtesy, you stand up for all that is good and right in the world.  And all that is true.  But I will never, and I mean never, complain in a movie theater.  Nope.  Not happening.  Because if I know one thing it’s that you will find some of the biggest fucking lunatics on the planet in your local movie theater.  It’s like every day I see a story of someone getting shot or stabbed or bludgeoned in a movie.  People just lying in wait with guns and knives and clubs and AIDS needles waiting to kill the fuck out of anyone who talks shit to them.  No thanks.    I mean I watched the first 10 minutes of Shutter Island with the lens still on the projector.  Couldn’t hear 3/4 of Up because some guy was playing duck duck goose with his kids in the first row.  At least 20 minutes of Avatar was some fat bitch behind me talking on her cell phone telling her friend how to work the DVR.  And i just sat there with a big smile on my face.  Does that make me a pussy?  Yup.  Absolutely.    But at the end of the movie I can walk home without a fucking meat thermometer covered in AIDS sticking out of my juggular and that’s all that counts.