(Newser) – Police probing a tragic hang-gliding death in Canada say the pilot involved swallowed key evidence after his passenger’s death. William Orders, owner-operator of a hang-gliding company in Vancouver, was on a tandem flight with a 27-year-old woman when she became detached and fell a thousand feet to her death. Her boyfriend saw her tumble out of her harness soon after take-off, clinging to the instructor’s feet before falling. Police say Orders swallowed a memory card with digital video of the flight and X-rays have revealed that it is still inside him, the Globe and Mail reports. Orders, who was responsible for safety-checking the glider and strapping his passenger in, has been charged with obstructing justice and has been denied bail until he passes the card. Police say he told them he knew something was wrong immediately after take-off and tried desperately to cling on to the woman.
First thing’s first, any chance you can use Chazz from Wedding Crashers in back to back blogs, you do it. Secondly, I was devastated I couldn’t find a youtube clip of Mac from Always Sunny eating the contract.
Thirdly, imagine being this dude, sitting in a jail cell, trying as hard as you fucking can to keep yourself from shitting? I think I could go a good 5 days without shitting if I knew my life as a free man depended on it. Once you can power through that first wave, you’re good for like 48 hrs. You miss your window and for some reason your asshole and colon just shut down. I honestly think its to punish you. They are like, “Oh, I get it. You’re on a date with a girl so you’re too busy to shit, huh? Just gonna leave this mountain of poop in me? OK, two can play at that game. You’re not shitting for 2 days. See how that goes.”
Anyway, I think you can make 2 days pretty easily, and then the next 3 are just sheer will power. Keeping your ass closed because you know if it opens up theres enough evidence to put you away in a place where your butt will probably never be closed again. Mind over matter until you reach the point where you’re so uncomfortable you’d rather just shit your brains out and get locked up for life. I guess time will tell. Someone give me an update when this hang-gliding idiot poops.