March 12th, 2012:

April 2nd, 2012

May 4th, 2012

Rounding down to the nearest pound, and putting on a pair of socks so you don’t see my swollen gout feet, and you’re lookin at KFC 15 pounds lighter! No chance my fat ass 192 pound self could run in the Spartan Race. Hell I probably couldn’t have run any race at all. But just 3 quick months later I’ve trimmed 15 pounds and I’m ready to sprint through the wilderness and fight through fire and brimstone like a goddam Spartan Warrior.

And I’ll be honest, I think I’ve gone full blown manorexic at this point. I’m addicted. Every time I hit the scale its lower and lower and I think I’ve got a problem. I feel like Dennis Reynolds. Just starving myself trying to create gaunt, angular cheekbones. I mean where do I stop? Do I just blow through the 170s and try for the 16 handle? I haven’t been 160 since I was like 15. To be honest I’m a little worried I’m not gonna be big enough to power through some of the toughest parts of the Spartan Race now. The June 2nd race is all full now so I’m eyeing the Super Spartan on September 8th in New Jersey, and at this rate I’ll be like 120 pounds by then. I don’t know if I’ll have enough bulk to make it through all the obstacles and challenges.

Fuck it. I’ll take my chances. Because at the end of the day, my looks are more important than the Spartan Race. I’m sexy and I know it.

Whether you’re fat or sexy and skinny like me, click here to sign up for the Super Spartan on September 8th.