Home Run Derby is like a day at the beach. It’s something we get really excited for, but in reality, it’s too long, it’s not as fun as we thought it would be, and there’s way more spanish people than we were prepared for. If you try and tell me that by the middle rounds, you’re not flipping through channels to see what’s on FX, you’re lying. The excitement picks up again for the finals, but even Chris Berman loses a little spunk in his “back, back, back, gone’s” the second time through the lineup. If only there was some way to add intrigue and importance throughout, so we don’t have to resort to watching the commercialized, edited version of Starsky and Hutch on TBS for the 50th time…

Introducing to you, the Home Run Derby Stoolie Giveaway:

Choose a player to whom you will pledge your undying allegiance. The list of 2012 Derby participants is as follows:

National League: Matt Kemp, Carlos Gonzalez, Carlos Beltran, Andrew McCutchen

American League: Robinson Cano, Jose Bautista, Mark Trumbo, Prince Fielder

Tweet @StoolPizzaBoy, ending your message with your player selection hashtagged like this: “Blah blah blah. Strasser’s a fag. Die. #BarstoolRobinsonCano.” Once the derby ends, I will select a random stoolie who A. follows me and B. chose the correct hitter. I will retweet his or her message and give away some Summer Swag, as well.