PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. – Citi Field will continue to play host to soccer matches. The latest one scheduled: Israel against Honduras on June 2, according to a source familiar with the plans.
You have got to be fucking kidding me. Is this the KFC Bowl or something? Hondos vs. Jews at the Mets home field, CitiField. The only way this could be any more tailored made for me would be if there was a Blindo referee, all the concession stand workers were Asian, and fucking Matty Funtimes and Michelle Fields sitting on either side of me.
I don’t even know who to root for. On the one hand, Jews are like my mortal enemies. My hated runs deep. On the other hand, I have a direct feud and rivalry with Michelle Field and the poverty stricken twitter users of Honduras. And lets be honest, the Jews don’t even really know what soccer is. If I tried to rub it in their face that they lost a “soccer friendly” they’d be like “Whatever you poor gentile idiot. Go buy our bagels and our hot dogs and bow before us because we run this fucking city.” And I’d probably acquiesce. On the flip side, nothing would be more demoralizing for those poverty stricken, banana peeling Hondos than losing to Israel in soccer. Riding high off their defeat of America, they come to KFC’s backyard and lose to a bunch of Chosens? Combine that with instability in the Vatican and the whole nation of Honduras might kill themselves.
I think for the sake of the blog, and I can’t believe I’m about to say this. I gotta root for Israel. I want to bring Honduras to its knees. I legitimately might have to go to this game.
PS – This is the one thats going to murder me:
I feel like he’s just staring into my bitter racist soul through the computer like “Fuck you, Gringo.”