NY Post - The Long Island hot-dog hooker’s first day back on the job — after nearly a week behind bars — was more of a circus than a sausage-fest yesterday. Catherine Scalia parked her mobile wiener stand in an abandoned lot in Hempstead, and was met with a throng of hungry patrons, angry residents and eventually the police, who shut her down after only three hours. But she swears she’ll be selling her steaming wieners — and a striptease, if the price is right — today in Long Beach. “This is a lot better than jail!” said Scalia, clad in a tight, reddish tank top as she served a line of gawking patrons with relish. “This is what I love to do, sell hot dogs and show off what I got a little bit. If you got it, flaunt it, that’s what I say.”  Her return was unwelcome to many in the Baldwin area. “We’re here trying to make this community better, and now you have this skank coming in here and doing her disgusting business,” sneered Jessenia Mendez-Velazquez, 33, a member of the local civic association. She feverishly called for local cops or the Health Department to shut Scalia down. When Mendez-Velazquez didn’t get a quick response, she bought a couple of hot dogs herself, threw what was apparently fake money at Scalia, and stormed off screaming. “Don’t come back!” Scalia shouted after her. “I’ll be back until you’re gone!” Mendez-Velazquez shot back. But others appreciated the service. “To be honest, I think I’ll stick with the hot dogs, but I have her card here just in case,” said Michael DiSanto, 22 a landscaper from Freeport.  with a chuckle. “It’s just funny; I say let her do her thing.”

Do you hear that? Thats the sound of Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson and all the other Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves. Whats more American than hot dogs and fucking? Whats more American than food out of a truck and tits? Nothing. Nothing is more American than that. I’m pretty sure one of Horatio Alger’s books was about a beautiful whore who went from rags to riches by selling her tits and handjobs and hot dogs in an abandoned parking lot in Hempstead, Long Island.

And then you’ve got Communists like Jessenia Mendez-Velazquez stealing food and paying with fake money trying to shut down this woman’s legitimate business. I hate to break it to you Mrs. Mendez-Velazquez, but people like hot dogs and hand jobs. There’s a legitimate market for men willing to pay for dirty water dogs. A legitimate market for guys who wanna put their wiener in between those big floppy pancake tits. Thats America, bitch. You don’t like it, get the fuck out.

PS – This is exactly the type of customer I envisioned visiting the Hot Dog Hooker: