Gothamist – Ellen DeGeneres, the talk-show host and comedian, will receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, the Kennedy Center announced today. DeGeneres, who will be lauded at a ceremony at the Kennedy Center on October 22, is the fourth woman to be awarded the top honor in American comedy since the prize’s inception in 1998. (The ceremony will be taped and later broadcast by PBS.) In a press release, Kennedy Center chairman David M. Rubenstein said DeGeneres’ “special brand of humor has allowed us to find hilarity in the mundane and has kept us laughing for years.” DeGeneres, 54, has since 2003 hosted an award-winning and eponymous daytime talk show and has also appeared in films like Finding Nemo. Of course, her most lasting contribution to American entertainment is still the 1997 episode of her sitcom The Ellen Show in which she announced she is gay. DeGeneres is also the second openly gay recipient of the Twain Prize following Lily Tomlin, who won in 2003.

I’m not even remotely kidding when I say I deserve the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Not one bit. Whats more American than me and my humor? I’m underachieving. I’m lazy. I’m prejudice. I’m arrogant. I make jokes about tits and ass and sex and farts. I flip flop on the vast majority of my opinions. And I do it via the internet every single day in my boxers. What the fuck is more American than my blogging? Half the time when I publish a blog I feel like setting off fireworks and splitting an apple pie with a bald eagle.

And fucking Ellen is winning this award? Ellen? What the hell does she do? Dance around in her studio with a bunch of middle aged women? Have stars from youtube videos on days after Barstool makes them go viral? I’m not hating on Ellen, I actually like her a lot. But I’m just saying what does Ellen got that KFC doesn’t? Is this because she’s gay and now we have a gay president and they’re all taking over? Because I’ll go gay for this Mark Twain Award in a heartbeat. Putting up an American Humor award on my non existent mantel is more important than whether people think I’m straight or gay.