September 10th:

Yo Kev,

I’m a daily Jeopardy! watcher, and I know you tune in every once in a while also.  I was just wondering what your take on Jeopardy! power stances is?  I figure some of your typical contenders are:

A) The leaning “I’m the shit” stance

B) The two hands on the podium stance

C) The squid upright, two hands behind the back on the signaler stance

D) And the squared off athletic stance I guess

E) Can’t think of any more off the top of my head; you’re welcome to throw in any wildcards.

I had this discussion with some buddies before and argued for B.  With that guy, you’re not as cocky as the Leaner, but you exude the perfect balance of attentiveness to show that you’re in this game, while still maintaining your humility unlike the clown that’s too good to even stand straight.

September 28th:

Yo how do you feel about this Jeopardy! contestant today that is actually older than father time himself, Alex Trebec?

October 5th:

Yo you watching tonight?  Check out Pete and watching this My Little Pony shit.  Pure artichoke!

October 8th

Yo is it just me or are the best type of categories the ones that involve quotations, like all the responses contain that thing?  You have any type of categories that you are a fan of? obviously you’d probably do work on a category on sports or something.

Also, you have any Jeopardy! pet peeves? I can’t take it when someone is killing it and then makes a prissy bet in Double Jeopardy!

October 12th:

Yo,

Don’t know if you’re flipping between the Good Guys’ game and this like me, but if you are what do you think about this artichoke that didn’t even know what a True Daily Double was??

Ps, a Daily Double at $400 is easy almost always, but in a business category nonetheless is pure cake…”diversification??” really?

November 8th:

Yo I just got power back today, so I’ve been completely out of the loop with what’s been happening these last two weeks (except for that guy you wrote about today).  But you see that one guy’s fist pump after each correct answer? I’m definitely pulling for this guy to take the whole tourney.

KFC Response: Bro you really love Jeopardy huh?

November 15th:

Yeaaa I guess you can say that…but yo you catch tonight’s sports category in the Jeopardy! round? the problem was that there were no Y chromosomes present.  Kind of reminded me of that kid that missed the layup even after four attempts and no defense, which is what basically happened on this $200 question…

Ps, I need to start getting DVRs of these…hopefully you watched tonight and saw that girl that won, and her black eye??

November 16th:

Yo your boy Colby is back for more tonight…that one kid may have given his teacher the heads up that he was under the microscope by you, but that didn’t scare him any; definitely digging his “cocky” swagger still! (especially that fist pump, laugh/smile, and raise the roof at the end when he saw his score).  I was trying to put my finger on his steez and I think I may have finally got it…it’s kind of like a sassy black chick, with his head bob I think right?? ohhh no you didn’t.  After all, he is from Chitown.

JB

Ps, honorable mention for bowtie swag also.

November 20th: 

Yo KC,

Tonight’s the final showdown, but unfortunately I need to go to the movies at 645pm (to see Lincoln, but only b/c I’ve seen everything else worth it)…so definitely see if your can document any of it tonight like you got that clip of Colby today.  Ps, I just purely forgot to email you yesterday when I saw that shit he said about Oboma, and then made his Buck Nasty face…Oboma ain’t got shit on Colby.  Speaking of their introductions, I meant to ask yesterday how you’d feel if someone ever gave you a shoutout like that white Chemisery teacher did for his embarrassed older daughters (or maybe a quick “viva” from some college Jeopardy! kid)…it’s obviously dependent on your age, but I’d personally love it.  Pps, I think Colby world be proud I’m missing him to see a movie about his emancipator…

JB

November 26th:

Get a load of this bitch that won’t swim in anything that isn’t chlorinated…

Ps, Jeopardy! is never coming at you 100 percent after a tourney, right?

November 28th:

How about all these artichokes today getting “the New York borough southeast of Manhattan” incorrect? except the Jew repping my neck of the woods.

Ps, that daughter is pretty talented I guess

December 5th:

I don’t even know where to start with this old croak…did you catch her “what is a Christmas tree?” response; hate to be cliche here but I literally laughed out loud while spitting my coffee, and I wasn’t even drinking any.  She literally looks like she’s struggling to talk/breath; someone get the respirator stat!  In a way, I kind of wanted her to win, just so I could watch hey struggle at life again tomorrow.

Ps, what’s up with all these sound effects from Alex? you catch any of them, like that Chewbacca noise.

Pps, you got to love it when a cocky guy comes along and just dominates some prissy single-day champion, right?

December 10th:

Yo did you catch that mastadon tonight? Dr Brain Drain, who barely made it to the finals and obviously ended in third (so at least it walked away with a grand).  Also I’ve thought about this for a long time now, but after seeing these clowns tonight constantly thumbing away at the buzzer like they’re thumb wrestling or something reminded me…I (or any fairly coordinated kid) would do work on Jeopardy! even though I may not know every answer, just because I’m 101% positive I’d be on point with my buzzing game; you think these artichokes would realize that ringing in too early locks you out from answering (I’m pretty sure the lockout period is like quarter second or something).

Ps, there’s always one obvious answer that somehow stumps everyone, right? tonight it was actually even for 1000 beans: “What is a siphi?” and there even was a picture of it!

Viva

Yesterday:

In the off chance you’re watching tonight, maybe it’s just me but British people are hilarious on Jeopardy! and I’d say I watch a lot so it’s not that I just don’t catch those episodes.

Thats roughly 20 emails since September strictly talking about Jeopardy. Now everyone knows I watch Jeopardy pretty regularly too, but this dude Jesse just takes it to a whole nother level. Part of me thinks its harmless but part of me thinks he might want to wear my skin for a suit. I could see him with a few dead bodies in his apartment thats set up to look like the Jeopardy set. Like Kramer and the Merv Griffin Show except everyone is dead and Jesse is pretending to be Alex Trebek. Pat Sajak voodoo dolls all over the place and shit.

I swear its these Stoolies that scare me the most. Like I said on KFC Radio this week, I’m used to the “Would you rather fuck your mother or your father?” sort of questions from Stoolies. Thats like standard dementia that I can handle. Its these weirdos from out of left field that scare me. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jesse is planning a castration/murder plot for me after this barrage of emails. There’s no way you can make sure you capitalize “Jeopardy!” every single time and not have some sort of murder/suicide in your future.

PS – To answer his first question I’d stand with the hands behind the back. Just so cocky.

PPS – As my esteemed colleagues, the commenters, point out – Is this guy actually Big Cat?

Vote 1 for its a different psychopath vote 10 for its Big Cat using another alias?

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UPDATE: I forgot about this tweet when I was out in Colorado a couple weeks ago. Apparently Stoolies just really wanna watch and discuss Jeopardy with your boy KFC