Listen I love Fan Duel. They are hands down the best and easiest fantasy sports site I’ve used. But lets get real with their “Beat KFC Tournament.” Thats the biggest scam I’ve ever seen. Its like trying to bet on the sun not rising tomorrow. Just pointless to even try.

There are a few things that are a guaranteed lock for Fan Duel success. One is, this season just take whoever is pitching against the Pittsburgh Pirates that night. The Pirates are abysmal. Their team OBP is something like the 3rd worst ever in the Divisional Era. Doug Fister is going to fist them tonite, take that to the bank. The other mortal lock, as it always has, and as it will always continue to be, is that Derek Jeter will rape and pillage the New York Mets in interleague play. I hate to admit it. I hate to benefit from it. But this is a Fan Duel Tournament that is specifically challenging my honor and my intelligence so I’m playing with my brain and not my heart.

Rounding out the rest of my lineup is Joey Votto – whos one pace for 200 hits and 100 BBs, something only a dude named Babe Ruth has ever done – Josh “Four Home Runs” Hamilton, Carlos Beltran, the best 2B in the NL Brandon Philips, Cespedes coming off his walk off homer last nite, and that fat panda batting .300 out in San Fran. Unstoppable.

But in the event you’d like to try and prove me wrong, Click here to sign up. Its a 111 person, $10 entry, $1000 tournament. 1st place $300, 2nd place $250, 3rd place $150. And as an added bonus since all you idiots are so convinced you’re smarter than me, anyone who places ahead of my team (Fan Duel name: KFCBarstool) gets their $10 entry fee back.