Space – NASA astronaut Sunita Williams has completed the first triathlon in space, running, biking and “swimming” along with athletes in the Nautica Malibu Triathlon held in Southern California over the weekend. “I’m happy to be done,” Williams said from the International Space Station Sunday (Sept. 16) after she crossed the orbital finish line. “It wasn’t easy, and I’m sure everybody in California’s very happy to be done too.” Sunita Williams is the U.S. commander of the Expedition 33 crew aboard the space station, which is orbiting Earth about 240 miles (386 km) overhead. She used exercise equipment, including a stationary bike, treadmill and a series of bench presses that will serve as the microgravity equivalent of swimming, to simulate the triathlon experience in space.
Whats worse than a triathlete? A triathlete in fucking space. Hey toots you’re already an astronaut. There’s only like 5 of you. You’re already special. You should be in the kitchen and instead you’re in a space station 240 miles above the earth. You don’t need to go simulating a triathlon to impress people anymore. Especially some fake ass version where you bench press instead of swim. Asterisk because you’re in zero gravity asterisk because you didn’t really swim and asterisk because you’re a chick.
On a more important note, how much do astronauts suck now? How do we suck so bad at space now? Like 50 years ago we’re walking on the moon and shit and now I feel like our last 5 space trips all sucked. Shit never goes right. I mean I guess the Curiosity thing landing on Mars is big but its all robots and shit. I want some Apollo Astronauts out there space walking and shit. Bouncing around the moon. Planting nuclear bombs inside giant asteroids headed for earth to save humanity. Where the fuck did those astronauts go? Now we just got broads running marathons and shit. Might as well just slap a “26.2″ bumper sticker on the back of the shuttle and declare the space program dead.