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I Need Everyone To Buy Booze Cruise Tickets Because GUESS WHO DOESN’T HAVE MEDICAL INSURANCE
Well, I’ve seriously done it this time. About a year ago I decided to leave my Monkey Cube and I threw caution to the wind and said fuck it. I put all of my faith in El Presidente. I said “Pres never had medical insurance as a blogger so why do I need it?” What am I, fucking RETARDED? Serious question am I the stupidest fucking person on the planet earth?
So now I’m in a serious jam. I’m talking crisis mode here folks. Doctor says I need surgery on this shoulder and last time I checked I don’t exactly have thousands of fucking dollars laying around to pay for arthroscopic shoulder surgery. I was thinking maybe I could somehow get on Oprah or another one of those daytime talk shows and tell some sob story and get them to pay for my shit. Like when they have a mother and father on who just gave birth to sextuplets and Oprah offers to buy them a lifetime supply of diapers and pay for all their college tuition.
Problem is, I’m a total fucking asshole. I mean if there’s anyone out there who still doesn’t believe in Karma after this ordeal than you’re an idiot. Oprah would take one look at my Blind Wars or how many times I said the word “tard” or how many times I made fun of the Autizzy kids and not only would she obviously not pay for my surgery she’d probably have me blackballed from every hospital in the Western Hemisphere. I’ll probably have to go to Thailand to get this shit fixed up.
But, I refuse to let the Blindos win this war. Right now they are kicking my ass in this Karmic battle but I refuse to give in. Thats where you guys come in. If I sell out these tickets to this booze cruise I’ll have a nice little headstart on paying some of these medical bills. So on top of the fact that you get to go on a dope booze cruise you will be helping out KFC in a serious fucking way. So lets’ sell this the fuck out on make sure I’m not on the streets giving out handies to pay for surgery.
And as a reminder please print out your paypal order confirmation as your ticket. I will have your name on the guest list at the dock.
def not buying tickets now, especially because i know your personally making money off of it, but if you want an internet celeb there, send me a ticket mofo
Ah Herr Blackdude, I underztand that HERR KFC is also a huge fan of using Das N-word when referring to the chocolate face folk.
You’re the reason Obama’s healthcare is going to cost people with real jobs a fucking boatload. (See what I did there?)
The-Viking , proper grammar for $200
Harhar, yez Viking, I see you made the funny stuff about KFC’s lack of the healthcare while also making reference to a loaded boat. VUNDERBAR!
i say go to thailand to fix your wing
doc will charge you 75 bucks and you can spend the rest of your cash on drugs and hookers
You technically don’t have a job, time to get on medicaid.
bahahaaaa
doesnt Pres have it if he lives in MA? Plus hes married. whatever.
two words-
personal loan
The doc says you need surgery? No shit huh? Did the car salesman tell you need a new car too? Wake up KFC.
» Medways Finest said: { Aug 31, 2010 – 04:08:39 }
two words-
personal loan
Two more words: No collateral. Would you give this deadbeat a loan?
You don’t need surgery. Just live in pain for the rest of your life like the rest of us.
use the hand connected to your separated shoulder for the handies…..maybe you will build up enough strength avoid separating your shoulder when someone splashes water on you
KFC – feel for you Bro Montana – Perhaps go to med school students? Kinda like going to get free haircuts at Beautician school? Fact is this boat cruise is a good deal for you guys – but not the buyers. My bros been doing a Halloween booze cruise for 6 years arnd the city – at peak there were 500 fools on the boat (smokes a plenty) – and 60 dollah got you admission, all you can handle at the bar AND a 5hundo best costume prize. The deals just not that good bro…thats why noones doin it.
No health insurance … presumably no 401k … and you mean to tell me you willingly work for BarstoolSports? C’mon, dude. Independent Contractor – make Barstool your client – get a 1099 from El Pres and join the Freelance Union. Not the best coverage but it will get you through the dark days of unemployment. Not to mention all of the expenses you can write off as a Freelance Writer working out of your home … a portion of your rent, cable and internet, any entertainment expenses i.e. movies, museums, music, books etc.
Copywriter — Stop making so much sense man.
Go to Thailand, they’ll cut you up for 20% of what it costs in the states, i bet it comes with a happy ending too.
pussy
and they would be left-handed handies at that KFC. no one likes that shit. it may be time to call mom and dad.
If you lived anyplace other than the US, you could actually go to a hospital and get fixed without going into bankruptcy.
USA! USA! USA!
[...] BarstoolSports New York End Of Summer Booze Cruise is going down September 16th at 7:30pm. Triple decker boat, DJ, booze, and more smokeshows than you can handle. To give you an idea of the local talent confirmed to be in attendance we’ve included a few photos below. Click the pictures to see the full gallery! [...]