(NEWSER) – An Icelander’s pre-date checklist: Put on a nice shirt, buy some flowers … run date’s name through incest database? It sounds crazy, but with Iceland’s population at just 300,000, the risk of accidentally romancing a relative is high. Íslendingabók, or the Book of Icelanders, is a website that claims to have tracked 1,200 years of genealogical data on Icelanders—a believable claim, since the New York Daily News notes it was developed by a software entrepreneur and a genetics research company. Concerned Icelanders enter their name and the name of their date, and as long as both are citizens or legal residents who have an Icelandic ID number, the database will report whether the two are too closely related to get cozy.

All I ever really knew about Iceland was what that chick in the Mighty Ducks said. “Greenland is covered with ice, and Iceland is very nice!” Yea well I dunno how that bitch defined “nice” but a country facing economic blight covered in 20 hours of darkness a day inhabited by raging alcoholics who fuck their family members so often they need the internet to help out is not “nice” to me.

I mean this Iceland Facebook for Sister Fuckers has gotta be the most depressing website of all time. I have this vision of how it all would work too. You know when you’re signing up for something and you need to choose a login nickname and it does a check to make sure that name is available? And if it is, you get a green check and you’re approved? Thats how I envision this going down. You login to IslendingaBok and you type in Helga’s name and her Icelandic citizen number. A little hour glass appears and rotates with a note saying “Please wait while we process your request,” and then a green check appears and says “Yup. You’re fucking your sister.” And that, my friends, has gotta be the biggest kick in the dick the internet can give you. Worse than logging on to facebook and seeing your ex is in a relationship. Worse than checking your online banking and seeing $0 dollars. Worse than going on ESPN’s playoff generators and seeing the Mets and Jets have a 0% chance of winning the championship. The internet just told you you’re banging your cousin. Rock bottom.

PS – If I’m from Iceland theres no fucking CHANCE I’m signing up for IslendingABok. Ignorance is bliss. My kids will be the retarded ones not me.