New York Post- “I was always on the outside looking in on Derek Jeter and seeing what a great player he is, but there are things you can’t see or can’t experience unless you are inside of it,’’ Ichiro said. “So now that I’m in, what I’ve realized is that he is the cornerstone of this team. He’s the one that is there and the team is around. As a person, he is the type of person that can make people feel comfortable, he can make people feel good. I don’t know if he is doing that by design or just naturally has that ability.’’ Ichiro had one other point to make about being a Yankee and playing with Jeter. “This is a special time right now,’’ he said with excitement in his voice. “This is a special experience to play with Jeter and the Yankees. When I am an old man I will look back and say, ‘What an experience that was to be on this team.’ Before I die, I think I will remember this time and what a special time this is. That is what I envision what it will be like when I get close to dying.’’

Ichiro pictures the white lights you see before you shit yourself and die as left field in Yankee Stadium… He literally thinks heaven is located in the heart of the Bronx, a couple streets down from 18 auto body shops. Satan walked over the Macombs Dam Bridge when he was banished to Hell and that homely looking fellow at Gate 4 checking tickets and allowing people to pass into the holy land is St. Peter. I love how spiritual Ichiro is. And you know what? He’s spot on. How could your life possibly be better than leading off for the Yankees? Think about it. Right now, Ichiro is the hottest hitter for the greatest sports franchise in the world. And don’t give me that Manchester United and Real Madrid bullshit; I said sports.

No doubt in my mind Ichiro adheres to all that Oriental Karma stuff and thinks he earned his spot on the Yankees because of a life filled with charitable events and good deeds. The guy probably spent his entire career in Seattle feeding orphans and rescuing beaten puppies just to reach this moment in the Bronx. If he ever winds up playing for the Mets, he’ll most likely attribute his spot in hell to some random dinner in 2002 when he fucked Bret Boone on the check.

P.S.- Here”s a little math lesson: Ichiro just compared playing for the Yankees to heaven. He then proceeded to call Jeter the “cornerstone” of the Yankees. By the transitive property, Ichiro just called Derek Jeter God… which is fine cus Derek Jeter is in fact the closest thing this world has to evidence of a God.