Mark Zuckerberg turned 28 goddam years old today. Only a year older and about $17,999,995,000 richer than I am. I saw a tweet earlier that said Zuckerberg could spend $300,000 a day, ever day, for the next 80 years and still have money left over. So Feitelberg asked me what I would spend my money on if I had 18 billion overnight, because Zuckerberg obviously on the surface looks like the worst billionaire of all time. Like you could just fuck around on your computer hanging out with ugly chicks with like 10 thousand bucks in the account.
But thats when I realized that having that much money is like looking at a Chinese food menu. There’s so many choices and so many options you get completely overwhelmed by all the possibilities. There are an infinite number of meals to the point that you can’t even wrap your mind it. So what do you do? You just end up ordering beef and broccoli again for the 5 millionth time because, even though you had the entire world of Chinese food at your finger tips, you know you’re gonna be happy with that order. Thats Zuckerberg’s whole life. His entire world is a Chinese food menu. Infinite amount of pages with endless ideas. He can’t even decide on what to do with his money and just sticks with the same old lame shit he’s been doing forever.
His friends are probably like hey Zuck you got a hundred million dollars! Lets go to Vegas! Or the Caribbean! Or Europe! Or Australia! And they proceed to list every single place on the planet earth. Hey Zuck why don’t you buy a Mercedes! Or a Ferrari! Or a Yacht! or a helicopter! Or every other mode of transportation. He could buy women from every country. Clothes from every designer. You could do this, this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or this. Its probably so overwhelming it gets to the point where he’s like “Ahhh fuck it, I’m just gonna bang this same frumpy Asian chick and buy another grey sweatshirt and make another change to the Facebook Newsfeed.” Its like hes so young and so rich he’s over spending money.