If You Were As Rich As Zuckerberg, What Would You Do?
Mark Zuckerberg turned 28 goddam years old today. Only a year older and about $17,999,995,000 richer than I am. I saw a tweet earlier that said Zuckerberg could spend $300,000 a day, ever day, for the next 80 years and still have money left over. So Feitelberg asked me what I would spend my money on if I had 18 billion overnight, because Zuckerberg obviously on the surface looks like the worst billionaire of all time. Like you could just fuck around on your computer hanging out with ugly chicks with like 10 thousand bucks in the account.
But thats when I realized that having that much money is like looking at a Chinese food menu. There’s so many choices and so many options you get completely overwhelmed by all the possibilities. There are an infinite number of meals to the point that you can’t even wrap your mind it. So what do you do? You just end up ordering beef and broccoli again for the 5 millionth time because, even though you had the entire world of Chinese food at your finger tips, you know you’re gonna be happy with that order. Thats Zuckerberg’s whole life. His entire world is a Chinese food menu. Infinite amount of pages with endless ideas. He can’t even decide on what to do with his money and just sticks with the same old lame shit he’s been doing forever.
His friends are probably like hey Zuck you got a hundred million dollars! Lets go to Vegas! Or the Caribbean! Or Europe! Or Australia! And they proceed to list every single place on the planet earth. Hey Zuck why don’t you buy a Mercedes! Or a Ferrari! Or a Yacht! or a helicopter! Or every other mode of transportation. He could buy women from every country. Clothes from every designer. You could do this, this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or this. Its probably so overwhelming it gets to the point where he’s like “Ahhh fuck it, I’m just gonna bang this same frumpy Asian chick and buy another grey sweatshirt and make another change to the Facebook Newsfeed.” Its like hes so young and so rich he’s over spending money.
How am I banging more attractive women the wealthiest man in the world? It’s mind bottling…
Buy an island, build a resort city, name myself Emperor. Out Luxembourg Luxembourg.
Unfortunately, this is all going to come to a screeching halt in the next few years. Facebook will capsize like the fad it is, Zuckerberg will be reduced to a pauper. He’ll travel around the country giving investment talks at second tier business schools emphasizing the importance of DIVERSIFICATION.
Definition of a squid, didnt he start this shit on trying to find hot girls? Fuckkk him
I would sell Facebook. Never work again. Travel the world making it rain in all 7 continents. Then buy a state or island, and I will get back to you when I decide my plans as dictator.
I guess they ordered that dog off the Chinese menu then?
Mind bottling, ay?
^wow
I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
I would be dead in 3 months, that’s what I would do.
You don’t need a million dollars to do nothin, take a look at my brother man. Hes broke, dont do shit.
I’d buy a bunch of coke and lure paulina gretzky to come party at my table, and then later video tape myself just making a mokery of her in some hotel’s penthouse suite and release the video online.
nice work Scrum, nice work. You would only need a million for that though.
Crustface, youre a fucking idiot. He wont be poor because he already has billions. He could cash out now and stick all hos bank under the mattress and be set for life.
buy a sports team. biggest no brainer of all time. spend my days taking BP/skating during shoot arounds/taking jumpers in my spare time/having my QB throw me routes and trying to and failing to kick 20 yard field goals. no fucking brainer
Also, 17 billion dollars is the kind of money where you just stop fucking caring what anyone thinks. Wear tshirts and jeans to business things. Buy cars for every day of the month. A house in all 50 states and 30 different countries. Fuck it. Just do everything.
i’d have the sickest parties with the hottest sluts and I would fuck them all. It would all happen on my 100 million dollar yacht.
Zuckerberg needs to take some lessons from Mark Cuban..for as much of an asshat Cuban can be, he’s a man who knows how to spend his millions or billions or how ever much money he has..Richard Branson doesnt do a bad job either
id be on some island with hookers everywhere
I would buy the Patriots. But if I were a Jew, I’d probably just buy a few hooded sweatshirts and die with the rest. My family would literally have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.
I’d purchase whatever anti-AIDS vaccine Magic was given and then never wear a condom again.
I’d live like Balboa in Rocky 4.
Not trying to be the barstool nerd all the time, but that 300k/day quote is laughable. 300k per day is a joke to Zuckerberg. Using the most conservative estimates for returns on his money (i.e 3% the safest investments). If Zuckerberg spent 300k a day every day for the next 80 years and saved the rest, he would be worth 10 times what he is worth now. Think about that.
freedman1010 is 100% correct there.
@dudebro All his money is in shares of his company. Hardly any of it is liquid. FB is going down and it’s gonna take him with it.
I tell you what I wouldn’t be doing, I wouldn’t be fucking that ugly, money grabbing whore he calls gf.
@stro — I agree, I am also banging someone more attractive than his girlfriend here. He can buy and sell my ass
If I was as rich as Zuckerberg, the first thing I would do is upgrade my level of women to only to brazilian bikini models.
@Crustface…I don’t think he’s gonna have a liquidity problem for very long, the IPO is coming up. What makes anyone think facebook is going down? That legitimately boggles my mind
@crustface, he must pay his employees with monopoly money dickface, cuz the 12 billion they made last year was just paper money , you stupid fuck, with the IPO, he is going to make his shares and everyone’s else into cash money, blows my mind with all of these comment section geniuses, like the ones who tell elpres how to run barstool and shit
Zuck can go suck a fuck.
I’d buy either the celts or pats or B’s (not the red sox) one of those 3 and just play my own version of fantasy ball except its for real. I’d give a bunch of money away to charity every year just to keep people off my back. I’d buy a few houses/condos in different spots in the world where I like to chill. And I’d buy cars….like a couple dozen
htownanddown..the fact that Facebook’s value is extremely over-hyped, they NEED this IPO to keep from going down..yes they offer advertising and have a shit ton of users, but it’s a free site. Besides the income from people paying to advertise on Facebook they have no additional sources of revenue. How you place a monetary value of billions on a company that has a singular source of income as wishy-washy as page views and the hopes of people placing ads is ludicrous.. the ‘value’ that the company has been given is all speculative and potential..and liquidity is currently a HUGE problem as they don’t really have any physical assets besides their real estate ‘campus’ out in silicone valley. In order to make a shit ton of money Zuckerberg either needs to go public or sell off his private shares, which he is not going to do anytime soon
I’d cash the fuck out and be a total asshole Riding around on my hovercraft all damn day
Almost as stupid as owning the #1 softcore smut peddling website on the East Coast…and choosing to stay with your wife instead of banging a steady stream of college-aged “smokeshows”.
Damn sure wouldn’t have a ugly ass asian chick.
If I were Zuck, the first thing I’d do is get rid of the two dogs in the picture above.
I would cum in all the Kardashians, even that whore Chris! Pay child support…So What! I’m rich bitch!
@crustface you are an absolute moron. you might not be on facebook. but 900+ million people are.