The Jakarta GlobeA Balinese teenager caught in the act of intercourse with a cow passed out on Friday when he was forced to marry the animal in a ceremony witnessed by hundreds of curious onlookers. As the Jakarta Globe reported earlier in the day, Ngurah Alit, 18, an unemployed youth from the seaside village of Yeh Embang in Jembrana, was caught stark naked positioned behind the cow in a rice paddy field. In his defense, Alit admitted to the act of bestiality but claimed the cow, which he believed was a young and beautiful woman, had wooed him with flattering compliments. As part of a Pecaruan ritual, a ceremony to cleanse the village of the unholy act of a man mating with a cow, Alit was forced to “marry” the animal. Alit, however, according to Detik.com, passed out surrounded by locals and police, who were attempting to prevent a number of journalists from covering the spectacle. It is unclear whether or not he got to say “I do.” Alit’s collapse prompted his mother to begin screaming hysterically, while other family members shouted at photographers not to take pictures. “Poor kid. He’s actually a quiet kid,” one villager said. As part of the ceremony, Alit’s victim and new bride was drowned in ocean. Alit, on the other hand, was symbolically drowned and bathed on the beach. “Only his clothes were thrown into the sea,” the villager said. Village chief Ida Bagus Legawa declared that the village had been “cleansed” from the “defilement from the incident.”

This story is from 2 years ago. Also there’s gotta be like a 80% chance its fake (but we are talking about Indonesia here so you never know.) But despite how old it is and how probably fake it is, I just needed to blog it. If for nothing else, just to make sure if anyone ever googles “Indonesian teen fucks cow,” Barstool will be in the results.

Has anyone ever gotten a more raw deal than Ngurah Alit? First off, dude gets straight up seduced by that fucking cow. Wooing him with flattering compliments. I mean how many of us out there have been out at the bar and thought we were flirting with a young beautiful woman but the next morning we realize she was just a heifer? Ordinarily its more of a symbolic heifer and not an actual cow, but nonetheless we can all relate.

So now you thought you were fucking a hot chick and turns out you were just banging a cow. Thats a pretty ugly fate as is, no? Like almost a “time served” punishment, right? Nope, Village chief Ida Bagus Legawa makes you fucking marry the bovine beast. Most of us just try to forget about our shameful one night stands and Ngurah has to fucking marry her. Poor dude ends up passing out at his wedding, and then, to top it all off, they fucking drown his bride in the ocean. Talk about a seriously roller coaster of emotions, huh? Thats a lot to handle for a quiet unemployed cow fucker.

PS – What a power move by Village chief Ida Bagus Legawa. Thats like when you’re a teenager and you threaten to run away from home and your parents are like “Go ahead. Go for it.” because they want to prove to you how you think you know what you’re doing but you dont. Ida was like “Oh, you wanna fuck cows? Thats what you want? Fine. You got it. You’re fucking marrying it then.”