Business InsiderThe Guinness World Records 2013 edition is out and there’s a brand new category in it — Youngest Investment Banker. In August 2011, John Wang Clow, at just 17 years and 77 days old, passed his Series 79 with an 82 percent score after just two months of studying.  The Series 79, which is an i-banking rep exam, consists of 175 questions plus 10 additional un-scored questions given over a period of five hoursFINRA records show that Clow works for the Hina Group, in San Francisco.  He graduated from St. Paul’s School in New Hampshire earlier this year.  We’re told by a source that he’s a talented photographer and he’s really into music. He’s currently studying at the University of California, Santa Barbara, according to his Facebook profile.  

I always love watching my cubicle friends taking all their tests. Series 55 and 63 and 79 and blahbitty blah blah blah. Pass a few multiple choice tests and they think they’re Gordon Gecko. Congratulations you passed the Series 69! Now you’re licensed to officially get breakfast for all the traders on your desk every morning. The SEC formally recognizes you as a cube monkey. Congrats! Make sure you go out for one night and party because then its back to dedicating your entire life for studying for Level 2 of the CFA. That should be a cake walk though – it only costs a thousand bucks and like 99% of people fail or give up. After that make sure you develop that nasty coke habit and then you’ve made it to the big time.

Fuck John Wang Clow and fuck you finance goons! Hey John in case you didnt know, the economy sucks! Being in finance is for the birds these days. You know whats recession proof? Smut motherfucker! Doesn’t matter if the Dow is up or down. Doesn’t matter what unemployment rates are. Doesn’t matter what interest rates are at. People want to guess celebrity butts and listen to me answer questions like would you rather have dick sized nipples or a nipple sized dick. You’d be better off in the Guinness Book as the worlds youngest smut blogger. Don’t worry kid – there’s still time to turn your life around before you flush it down the Wall Street toilet.