Hold the fucking phone here. If I knew there was a Masturbation Championship I woulda had that crown like 8 years in a row. Some random Japanese guy jerks off for 9 and a half hours and all the sudden he’s crowned a champion? I don’t think so. If there was like a formal competition I bet there’d be like thousands of dudes who could put in at least a 12 hour session.

And I think it would come right down to the wire between myself and Masonobu for the title. That giant hand trophy could very well be on my mantle above the fireplace. Because like I’ve mentioned before sometimes even if you got a girlfriend you just need a good old session by yourself once in a while. Now ordinarily they aren’t 9 hours long, but me and Masonobu ain’t all that different. Sometimes I just wanna wake up in the morning and start jerking off to some Japanese daytime talk show while wifey sews some mittens and my kitten paws at my ballsack. She’s in the kitchen whipping up some stir fry for lunch with a stop watch timing my jerk session and I’m entering hour 3 of masturbation. She’s checking everything off her to-do list and I’m checking off mine. Is that really all that weird? If that’s weird than I don’t wanna be normal.

PS – Masonobu I’m with you on the gal-style, girl next door, and compilation scene, for sure. But what the fuck are you talking about with that “real females are dirty and smelly?” You lost me on that one.

PPS – I could only give Masonobu a run for his money if I was using my hand. One of those Fleshlights and I’d be done in 2-3 mintues.