So this Barney Stinson lookin motherfucker is the newest addition to this dysfunctional Barstool Family. And I’ll be perfectly honest – I 200% chose this kid based on his name. Feitelberg. Fucking Feitelberg. You can’t make that shit up. I couldn’t come up with a better name for an intern if I tried. And believe me, I tried. When we had the Fake New York Intern I was originally gonna make up a name but nothing was really funny. Because you can’t just concoct names like Feitelberg. You need to be naturally cursed with them. So in reality I basically just chose this kid so that when shit goes wrong I can be like “FUCKIN FEITELBERG!” So for everyone I didn’t choose, rather than emailing me being like “Why does that stupid dick have that I don’t!” just recognize that he has the last name Feitelberg and thats it. Kid could be legitimately retarded for all I know, but he’s got the golden ticket.
Anyway, lets speak to the bigger issue here. How in the fuck is Barstool Sports LLC a bunch of Jews and a Mic? How did that happen? El Pres, Kmarko, and Scott are sitting around peddling smut and spinning dreidels, and I go ahead and add oil to the menorah and hire a kid named freaking Feitelberg. I’m all alone in the Gentile trenches taking Jew shrapnel here. I think 610′s ogre self is an Irish Donkey too. Maybe I’ll team up with him. It will be Gentiles vs. Chosens here at the Stool, kinda like when its USA vs. The World in the NHL All Star Game. And as his first order of business as the Barstool New York Intern I will make Feitelberg convert to Catholicism and fight the good fight with me and 610.
Feitelberg, say 5 Hail Mary’s and an Our Father and get to work on the links of the day.
EARTH SHATTERING UPDATE:
Feitelberg just texted me. Told me he’s actually Irish Catholic! How the FUCK is that possible? I mean when I saw him I was like “weird, he kinda looks like everyone in my family. But he’s a hardcore J with that name Feitelberg” But he just explained some love story to me about a Jew and a Mic falling in love and converting but I just stopped reading because my mind is blown. This changes everything.
Fuckin Feitelberg! You fake Jew! You can’t do anything right!