Not really him but this is how I’ll forever picture him

KFC Editor’s Note: So my long hard search for the new Yankees Blogger is finally over. I had narrowed it down to a couple guys who I thought fit the bill. Younger dudes, diehard Stoolies, chomping at the bit to blog. Once I narrowed it down I had them email me a little bit of info about themselves. Jake Strasser conveniently left out that he’s a fucking pizza delivery man. I saw him joke about it in his sample blogs but I never really thought he was one. Then I ask him to write up an introduction and this is what I get:

First off, let me begin by thanking KFC for the opportunity to be the newest Barstool Yankee blogger. Now that we’ve gotten all those silly formalities out of the way, let me just state how embarrassing it is that I was chosen for the position. Do you know what I was doing last night? Delivering pizza. Do you know what type of people rely on pizza delivery as their main source of income? Straight mall scum. You know – that fucking gang of hooligans at the entrance of your mall: purple hoodies, skinny jeans, rocking the Heelies and grinding all over shit. Pizza guys aren’t supposed to write for what is supposed to be a credible source of sports related news and entertainment. We’re supposed to drink on the job, play ‘touch the penis’ with the chefs, and fill in whatever tip we deem appropriate on your credit card slip. But screw it; while I’m here, I guess I’ll write some Yankee shit.

That’s right. Spread your legs, Stoolie nation. I’m about to impregnate you all with a wealth of Yankee knowledge you’ve never before dreamed of. All the angles, hard-hitting analysis, in-depth looks into Yankee universe- these are all things I will do anything in my power to avoid because it seems like a lot of Jerry Thornton work. But I will give you some solid smut humor and insightful articles on the regular.

~ Strasser

So there you have it. Got a goddam pizza delivery man writing at the Stool now. No going back now. The circus continues. What a snake move. I’m not even mad, to be honest. I probably woulda done the same thing. Buckle up, Yankees Stoolies. Jake Strasser is your newest snake smut peddler.