Inventor Of The TV Remote Control Dies At The Age Of 96

(AP) – Couch potatoes everywhere can pause and thank Eugene Polley for hours of feet-up channel surfing. His invention, the first wireless TV remote, began as a luxury, but with the introduction of hundreds of channels and viewing technologies it has become a necessity. Polley died of natural causes at a suburban Chicago hospital over the weekend. The former Zenith engineer was 96. In 1955, if you wanted to switch TV channels, you got up from your chair, walked across the room, and turned a knob. Or you could buy a new Zenith television with Flash-Matic tuning. The TV came with a green ray-gun-shaped contraption with a red trigger. The advertising promised “TV miracles,” and the “flash tuner” was “absolutely harmless to humans!” Polley was proud of his invention even late in life. He showed visitors at his assisted-living apartment his original Flash-Matic and how it had evolved into the technology of today. “He was a proud owner of a flat-screen TV and modern remote,” said a Zenith spokesman. “He always kept his original remote control with him.”
The remote. The controller. The clicker. Could be the single greatest invention of the past 60 years. Not even exaggerating one bit. I mean think about how important the remote is. Out of every appliance and invention in your entire house, the remote might be the most imperative of all. In a couple of my earliest memories at my Grandma’s house I can recall needing to get up to change the channel on the TV, but other than that I’ve been using the remote control my entire life. Taking it for granted every single moment of every single day. Think about those moments when you lose the remote – absolutely the worst feeling in the world, no? You just lay on the couch watching fucking tennis because after Sportscenter ended ESPN went to the French Open and you can’t do a goddam thing about it because you got no remote. Its an absolutely crippling and debilitating feeling. The trek from your couch to the TV to change the channel by hand might as well be climbing to the peak of Mt. Everest.
Well that used to be every day life before Eugene Polley came around with his science fiction laser remotes. In honor of Eugene I tried to compile a list of the top 5 every-day inventions that impact your life as much as the remote control. Not the obvious ones like cars and computers and the internet. The little things:
5. Air Conditioning – Its not as every day as the remote control and obviously only matters for like half the year, but the A/C is as necessary as it gets in the summer. I’m sure there are poor people and old people who don’t have it, but for the rest of the modern world air conditioning is a given once memorial day hits.
4. Caller I.D. – Doesn’t seem that important, but in the world before caller ID, every time the phone rang it was fuckin Russian Roulette. There’s a 50/50 shot it could be the hot girl you met the other night or your boss telling you to come into work. It could be your buddy calling about a party or it could be your mother calling to complain. Every time you picked up that phone you were taking your life into your own hands. Nowadays you don’t even think of it as an “invention” and you completely take it for granted, but trust me, that shit is important.
3. Automatic Transmission – I know there are gonna be some tough guys out there who are all about their cars. I know there are some people a generation before me that can drive a stick. But for the most part everyone who steps foot into a car expects to push the gas pedal and go. Thats it. No clutch. No stick shift. No gears. Just make the car fucking go. I have absolutely no problem admitting I don’t know how to drive a stick. And I don’t understand people who insist on driving manual. Its such a hardo move. You would never choose to drive a car without power steering, right? Because its harder and a pain in the ass. So why would you choose a stick over an automatic? Because you’re trying to be a tough guy. Also, without automatic I’d say only 10% of women would be able to drive – so in a way automatic transmission is like the atomic bomb. It ultimately led to death and destruction by allowing women to drive.
2. Debit Cards – I have absolutely no fucking idea how the world worked before debit cards and electronic banking. Zero clue. What happened? You get your paycheck and go to the bank? Put some of the money in savings and get the rest in cash? Then what happens when you run out of cash? Can’t just hit the ATM. Can’t just swipe your card. Did you go back to the bank? Is that where people used to whip out their checkbook and write a check? Were you allowed to write IOU’s? Seriously I have no clue how I would even survive in that world.
1. The Remote – Like I said earlier, the single most impactful invention since man invented fire. It probably goes Fire, Wheel, Electricity and then the motherfuckin clicker. Everyone pour out a little for Eugene Polley. Dude’s just as important as Ben Franklin.
Honorable Mention – Microwave, the Drive Thru at fast food restaurants, and YouJizz.

i dunno about automatic transmission, if it didnt exist, you would have just naturall learned to drive stick and it would feel like second nature. Microwave is more clutch, because you get your food instantly with no prep
As I like to call it, “The Gun.” This man is a hero. Debit Cards are awesome, but it’s so much easier to swipe than to hand over cash, which also makes them dangerous.
automatic transmission? – you fucking pussy
WOW I FUCKING LOVE THESE NEW ADS ON THE RIGHT THAT AUTOMATICALLY PLAY AUDIO AND CAN’T BE PAUSED.
driving manual is not a hardo move dude. shut up woman
The most important invention ever = Birth Control. I don’t think I need to explain why, you guys know why.
YouJizz!!!
not a bad list. completely agree with most of it though otwisted is right, birth control should 100% be on this. surprised you didn’t add text messaging to the list. when you’re whacked outta your mind and trying to get some strange, now we just take for granted texting as a valid form of communication. you have the auto correct to fix your spelling errors and you can take your time to make sure you don’t make it entirely obvious that you’re black out drunk. before you texting you had to call a girl and there’s almost no hiding how blackout you are when you have to speak outloud
love that youjizz got honorable mention but you really need to be on cliti (learned that shit from that disgusting human being jim norton). it will hands down change your daily life, i’m not sure if its in a good or bad way but it will change it for sure.
Swap out microwave with automatic transmission. And it’s not about being tough, it’s just that driving a manual is just so fucking easy and the fact you don’t know how to is mind bottling. It takes one day to learn.
Being stuck on the couch without a remote and having tennis come on can go either way. If its men’s then you need to peel yourself out of your seat and find that fucking remote. If Sharapova (or just about any Russian woman) is playing then you slide your sweats down, remove a sock, and get to work.
i’m with KFC, fuck manual transmission. what’s the fucking point? i drive like a grandmother anyway, driving fast is for people with deep-rooted insecurities…especially the ones who race to get in front of you and cut you off when two lanes merge into one, that’s my favorite. all that to be one car-length closer to their destination, haha. can’t wait til someone hits me trying to pull that tough guy shit. but manual just sucks, i don’t see any advantage to it. you can tell me it’s better on gas and you accelerate faster, but i don’t really care about that shit. it’s all about not having to think. i don’t want to be thinking about what fucking gear i’m in. almost every time i drive stick, i forget i’m driving stick, and i pull up to a stop light in 5th gear like a dumbass, hahaha.
the one i’m really against is debit cards. fuck that shit. i have a bank account that i barely use unless i need to pay shit online. other than that, straight cash, homey. banks are just wishing for you to get into that debit card bullshit, and next thing you know, you’re out $35 because they waited until you had $3 to run that $5 charge from dunkin donuts. fucking snakes…never trust banks.
@ottwisted amen. I don’t know how many drunken nuts I’ve busted in a girls whom but, thank christ for BC.
actually, i think otwisted just demolished the list in one shot. birth control “FTW”, as the young whippersnappers say these days…
Dro Man only deals with hundo’s because small bills are for the weak.
still spending Desert Storm money, playaaaaa…
I was limiting this to more electronic inventions. I’m working on a whole separate list for best inventions for men. the Pill is definitely top of that list
youjizz wouldnt exist and you wouldnt have a job if it werent for the internet….thats got to be number 2
#2 should be the internets. all you you’s mofo’s would be serving murder 1 life sentences if it weren’t for internet porn!
A+ blog, you jizz should probably be #4 though and wet wipes honorable mention.
Abortion/birth control/plan b should be number 1. and driving manual is retarded how am i supossed to comment on barstool drink beers and change the radio all at the same time if im driving a stick shift???
Gold Bond?
yo how bout the computer you dumb ass, without that you can’t even afford to have a cicker
crash…gold bond is fucking disgusting. J&J baby powder is the shit. after a shower lather ur balls and inner thighs w/ it. your good
I don’t drive stick but it’s my understand that people who do generally like the extra control they have over the car, get better gas mileage, and it keeps them more engaged with driving than checking their cell phones, eating, etc.
Driving a fast car with a stick shift on a highway oropen road is pretty sweet. Otherwise it’s a huge pain in the ass in the city stopping and starting every two seconds. Basically your foot is on the clutch at all times. Sucks.
Driving a fast car with a stick shift on a highway oropen road is pretty sweet. Otherwise it’s a huge pain in the ass in the city stopping and starting every two seconds. Basically your foot is on the clutch at all times. Sucks.
Gold Bond is not disgusting… it is downright crucial for walking down NYC streets in the summer. Broke out the yellow stuff this morning, I’m not quite ready for the cool burn of the green yet. J&J just cakes up in my grundle hairs.
The DVR is a top 5 invention! Watch shit whenever you want fast forward through the commercials. C’mon gotta be top 5!
nahhh gold bond smells like shit tho! i never liked any of their smells.
im the same way, but w/ j&j. agree to disagree haha
Fast Lane/EZ Pass has to be right up there. Whenever I drive through I see all of those suckers who dont have it and I cant understand why.
Driving manual is the only way to drive. You have so much more control over the car. If you’ve never downshifted while pulling off of the highway on an exit ramp you’ve never really driven before.
@gossen You don’t have to have your foot on the clutch the entire time in traffic, just put the car in neutral, then shift back to first when the traffic moves.
Willis, you literally just sumed up why we hate people who drive shift. They act so tough and have to tell people why its better. No one cares! We want to just drive without having to use both feet and hands.
Mobile internet porn is way higher on the list for anyone old enough to have to have give into video stores and risk coming out if the back room and bumping into your neighbor/priest/ex teacher, etc. The possibility of porn in my pocket whenever I want it is pure magic.
You stick shift pussies are weak. Horse and buggy is where its at!
Seriously if you think driving stick makes you better than someone with an auto then youre a huge fag who likes handling shafts.
Pretty good list. Agree that birth control should be on it. And also agree that the type of losers who insist on driving stick are HUGE hardos.
1. Birth Control
2. Yoga pants
[...] I really dont know where I would be without my remote control…RIP Eugene [...]
I’m not a hardo by any means, I’m like the least tough guy I know. I drive like an old man and listen to NPR. But even I know that driving stick is just flat out better though. No question. It’s just fucking ignorance if you think automatic is better
@Doyle I’m with you. brazzers mobile is pretty sweet