CBS New York –  The New York Islanders and the Barclays Center are set to make a major announcement at a 1 p.m. news conference held at the Brooklyn arena on Wednesday, the team has confirmed.  In attendance will be Islanders Owner Charles B. Wang, Barclays Center Majority Owner Bruce Ratner, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz, Islanders GM Garth Snow and Barclays Center and Brooklyn Nets CEO Brett Yormark.

Brand new arena, same ol’ shitty Islanders.  Rumor is that Wang’s Fishdicks are set to announce Barclays, known from here on out as “Home of Mediocre Sports”, as their new rink this afternoon.  And after all 29 Islander fans suffered through those years of fighting for a new home on Long Island, I for one couldn’t be happier for you.  I mean sure, mocking your pathetic, asbestos-filled Mausoleum was pretty hilarious to us Rangers fans, but then we realized that you’re going from drugged-up housewives to hipsters and lord knows there’s no shortage of joke ammunition there.  Flannel-themed third jerseys and PBR sponsorship dollars like you read about!  And there’s no need to make face shields mandatory now since every player will already be wearing horn-rimmed, non-perscription glasses.  I wouldn’t be surprised if dropping “Long Island” wasn’t the only aspect of their name change either.  Band of Islanders – because putting “The” in front of your name is just so two thousand late.  And now you’re even closer to MSG, so this is nothing short of an added convenience for the invading blueshirt faithful.  So congrats on the new deal that’ll finally see you out fleeing Nassau County come 2015.  Hopefully they’ll actually be playing hockey by then…

PS – In case any psychotic, sniper-rifle-toting hockey fan wants to do the entire sports world a favor, we now know Gary Bettman’s whereabouts for this afternoon.  Just saying…