NY Post – A hapless state information-technology worker who usually joined his office lottery pool took a pass last week — only to learn that seven positive-thinking pals nailed a whopping $319 million Mega Millions jackpot, said a deli owner who knows the winners.”The word is that when they were going around the office asking who wanted in on the pool, one guy said no, that he wasn’t feeling lucky,” said Jill Cook, who with husband Tom owns Cook’s Deli in Albany, where the winners are lunchtime regulars.”They asked him twice. They said, ‘Are you sure?’ and he said yeah, he was going to pass this time. I feel horrible for him,” Jill said. The number of players in the pool varied from week to week, she said, and the identity of the mystery loser — who could have won a $16 million after-tax share under the lottery’s lump-sum option — was as elusive as those of the big winners, who sources say worked in IT for the state Homes and Community Renewal agency. Cook said the geek squad came in for lunch daily — but haven’t been seen since beating the one-in-176-million odds in Friday’s drawing. Customers who know the winners told her they weren’t planning to return to their jobs — except to pass along unfinished business to colleagues. Jim Plastiras, an agency spokesman, confirmed the workers did not come to work Monday but he couldn’t say if they showed up yesterday. They had not formally resigned their positions, he added. The winning workers remained out of the public eye yesterday, but one surfaced long enough to stake a claim to the prize, state lottery officials said yesterday.

You pretty much have to kill yourself after this one, right? Not even joking. Being 100% serious the only course of action after this happens is suicide. There’s no coming back from this. Your life is never the same. You will never live another happy moment here on this earth. Because every single good thing that happens to you could have happened to a version of you that is $16 million richer. Hey bud you fucked that 10/10 smokeshow last nite? Yea but I could have fucked her AND had 16 million dollars. Your team won the World Series? Yea but I could celebrate the win AND had 16 million dollars. No matter how you cut it, every single moment you are alive on this planet will be miserable because of this horrible turn of events. You’ll go back to your life as an IT employee, getting shit on by front office assholes who can’t figure out how to hit CTRL ALT DEL while all your other IT brethren go home to their life in the lap of luxury. This dude is looking for the tallest building in Albany right now. Problem is, Albany sucks so fucking bad I don’t even know if there’s a building tall enough. Dude probably tossed himself off a 3 story office building and like broke his hip. Just a serious double whammy – living in Albany AND missing out on $319 million.

How about this IT team who won it though. Talk about fuckin revenge of the nerds. I love how none of them have gone to work. No formal resignation either. Just “Fuck You” to their employer, you’re not even worth my time anymore. Let them figure out how to restart their computers on their own when shit freezes.