Sabathia looks poised to go on one of his August rampages, Met fans have officially jumped ship, and forgetting to baby powder your balls in the morning results in a day chock full o’ chafe. Yup, it’s officially the dog days of summer, and more importantly, it’s fantasy football season. A time for rebirth, renewed opportunities, and every fucking person you talk to for the next 3 weeks telling you about their LOCK in the 5th round. “Bro, Matt Flynn is taking me to the championship.” “Don’t sleep on Shonn Greene.” “Marshawn Lynch. Beast mode. Skittles!” The fact of the matter is, no one knows what’s what, and no one knows how anybody is gonna perform. And even the players who are near locks can explode an ACL in week 1 and kill your entire season. So I don’t need to hear how Gronk needs to be drafted like a top-5 receiver. One Krump-gone-wrong in a Boston nightclub and your lineup is hurting. But we should embrace “Bro, I’ve got the best sleeper” season because what comes next is even worse. I’m going to buy one bullet for every “Nah dude, my team is stacked. Alright ready, here it is:” that I hear in late August/early September.

On a side note, I am beyond torn on my 6th pick overall. First of all, I hate the mid-round pick. Give me the poles or give me death. I am adamantly against drafting a QB in round 1, so I’m in that awkward Calvin Johnson/Chris Johnson/MJD range. I couldn’t be more positive that whoever I pick is going to bite me in the ass. Each one of them has their flaws and their potential brilliance. Calvin could press the breaks a little after signing that monster contract, CJ could go back to being that twitchy bastard running video game routes, and MJD is having a contract dispute of his own. So many question marks. I may just call it a season now and start my fantasy golf scouting.