I’ve Made A Huge Mistake
So I’m moving in with my girlfriend right now as we speak. Yup, that’s right. Out of moms house and into the unchartered territory of living with a woman who’s not related to you. I was warned by many, but like a brash young idiot, I did not listen. I thought to myself, how bad can it be? She likes to booze. Likes to watch sports. We watch a lot of the same TV shows. What’s the big deal?
Well today is moving day. We have like a 200 foot truck. My stuff is taking up approximately 4 square feet. The rest is hers. She just keeps laughing saying “I just don’t know where we’re gonna put all this stuff at the new place!!” LOL smiley face LOL. Yea babe, neither do I! Because we’d need a house the size of Nebraska to fit it all! Clothes, shoes, a life time worth of toiletries and all sorts of other shit. She’s got one box that’s like 4 feet tall, 3 feet wide that’s marked “Belts.” Just a whole box of like 60 belts. Wacky shit man. If you thought moving with dudes was ugly, moving with a chick is a whole new ballgame.
But whatever, moving is moving. That always sucks. I was smart this time and got movers so its nothing like moves of the past. But what straight up terrifies me was her first move upon walking in the new place. I’m talking very first move before the day even began. Bob’s delivery is on the way, movers have almost arrived, a million other things to worry about. And she starts washing the brand new silverware straight from the box. Brand new sparkling untouched forks and knives. Naturally I laugh at her and call her a psychopath. And she looks at me like I’m the one with 9 heads. She’s worried about germs from the factory and the box or something girly like that. You know how TERRIFYING that is for a dude who just bit the bullet and moved in? I’ve been duped! She’s gonna be the type to make me “wash the dishes” before I put them in the dishwasher. Gonna make me “clean up” before the cleaning ladies show up. Gonna make me make the bed every day even though its just gonna get torn up again 8 hours later. And if this mornings silverware event is any indication, I’m not talking about the bed getting “torn up” in the fun sense.
I’ve made a huge mistake. Cuncel Da KFC.
moving in with my girl was the worst mistake i have ever made in my life, its like being married but worse because your not and dont have to be. They want to talk/hang out all the time. its hard to find jack time, fuck….call me old fashioned but id wish id done the whole move in after marriage thing. fuck, mom was right its unethical to live together unmarried, what she really meant was- fuck random tail until you’ve found one you dont mind being around but dont do it until your over 30
You’re fucked sideways dude. Try going out without her sometime soon after moving in. Gloves come off…. cuncel the fun indeed.
you forgot to mention your fear of shitting in front of her. good luck kevin.
You stupid fuck
I hope she reads this
and by that you mean…your mom finally told you to get the fuck out because you refuse to find a real job?
post a pic. I’m curious how many of your inadequacies can be compensated for because you write for BSS.
Haha terrible fucking move Kevin.
You’re a slob who writes for a blog – you should hang onto this girl like grim death, because your prospects otherwise are slim.
Hey KFC, you found a chick who doesn’t mind dating a smut peddler who spends his free time at sausagefest “blackout” parties. I say marry her before she comes to her senses.
Man up and start throwing shit out. My girl is a hoarder and after we moved in together, I took a day off and while she was at work, I donated a whole bunch of her junk, like 2 or 3 car trips worth. Two years later, she still hasn’t noticed that anything is missing.
So what you’re saying is you guys fart in front of/on each other?
Dude. You made a HUGE mistake. financebroskegs hit the nail on the head. It has nothing to do with any of the stuff you blogged about. IT IS OVER JOHNNY! All of your personal time is out the window. It’s going to absolutely feel like you’ll be married. You’ll get guilt trips for not coming home for dinner, she’ll stop hanging out with her friends and you will start feeling guilty going out with yours leaving her home alone. You’ll have to start running random things you want to do by her to make sure she didn’t have anything planned for you guys.
You are a dumbass. You should have asked the stoolies for advice before doing this.
sport jerk that made me laugh. seriously kevin, you think you are making a mistake? think about what her dad is thinking right now.
just wait until she gives you permission to go out without her becasue she is tired, worst 2 weeks of your life will follow that
I guess this explains JMac’s friday spew again too.
does this mean she still doesn’t know you prefer dick?
dude
She likes drinking, sports and the same tv shows? What that translates to is you paired yourself up with a girl who is going to be around you every waking minute of every day until you cant take it anymore and hang yourself with one of her belts.
Seriously, hands down, the biggest mistake of your life. I lived with my ex-girlfriend for 2 years and every day a little piece of your soul dies. You literally have to run every single motherfucking thing you do by her. And even when she says, “yeah, thats fine.” It’s never fine. You know she’s pissed, she knows she’s pissed and you can’t even have a fucking good time b/c you know how miserable it is going to be when you get home. Cuncel Da Life Indeed!
Wait until you walk in on her in the bathroom growing a tail.
your huge mistake was cheating on your boyfriend
with your salary is the kitchen also the bedroom/living room/bathroom/veranda?
you’re a faggot.
Its actually not that bad. just make sure she picks up after you, cooks for you, sucks your dick when you have drank to much, and at all times, my god at all times, you are in charge of the controller.
It’s only bad because she can leave you at any time. It sucked at first, not going out, guilt tripped on everything. Married with 3 kids now and that changed everything. Made sure she didn’t believe in divorce. Boom, done. Now I don’t really give a shit what she says because she won’t leave. No more tiptoeing for this guy. Her father would kill he if she ever left. Eastern Block women FTW!
Seriously don’t move in together. I live with my boyfriend and (love him…i do) but I fucking hate him half the time. Married but not married and you fucking act like it!!!!!!
@financebroskeg … taking your words to the bank
talk to me when you marry her, go two for two in the ‘making little girls’ department, and adopt an over sensitive pug.
at least now you don’t have to eat dessert alone, like steven glansberg
These first couple weeks are key set an extremely low baseline in terms of cleanliness effort and everything else. Improve my will be rewarded with blowjobs
You’re BUGGIN if you put dishes in the dishwasher without a strong rinse. BUG-GIN.
nobody should ever get married until they lived with their girlfriend first.
Fuck the shit out of her while you are unpacking, chicks like that. Just bend her over a box of stuff and go nuts
Oh PS — KFC, your sex / week just went from 3-4 times to 0.5 times. Mark it, dude. Mark it fucking zero.
someone start finding KFC’s replacement. Its all over. Plus… i’ve worked in the factories.. u def wanna wash that silverware. Its like the idiots who dont wash their fruit from Star Market… i can tell you exactly where all ur shit has been dropped and whos been touching it.
Can you set up a camera and record a video of her peeing and then post it on the site?
Things to watch out for living together:
- Keep and use seperate computers. Other than the usual finding porn and facebook profiles of ex-girlfriend in history… most women are fucking idiots and will download some cute dancing kitten shit that is malware. Ever notice girl’s computers are always “broken”
- You will never be able to watch a game in peace again. Big TV in living room is for sports, small bedroom TV is for that shit on Lifetime… any man who lets his girl take over the Big TV for girlie shit and is watching the Patriots on the small TV is a piece of shit and a douche sponge
- Women will whine how messy you are, then you will trip on their shoes in the middle of the place, and find tampon wrappers on the bathroom floor
- Good luck leaving the house alone to go ANYWHERE. That includes a simple run to pick up shit at Stop & Shop
- When she comes home at 3AM from her “girls night out” to celebrate he whore friends birthday it will just piss you off and she will act like “it’s no big deal”
I am going to assume she weighs at least 240 pounds, since, well I have seen pictures of you… so keep the house stocked with Oreos and ice cream so she doesn’t chew your fingers off while you sleep.
Damn- you can’t even say you have to work late and just sit in a bar alone to get some peace because you write blogs for a shitty site run by an out of shape Jew who may be a pedophile.
Commenters killing it per usual. Makes me feel great about being 22 and single.
One good thing is that you work from home and will have some peace and quiet to yourself. The bad part of that is what RC Cola wrote, you are f’d and she will have a tab on you at all times.
That looks like the silverware of a blogger and his torn up stripper girlfriend
1. if you think there’s even the most remote chance you aren’t marrying this chick, move out tomorrow. its not worth throwing the best years of your life down the drain unless you absolutely have to.
2. get used to this:
Kramer: Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you’re eating.
Jerry: I can?
Kramer: Oh, yeah! You know why? Because it’s dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?
Jerry: What?
Kramer: You talk about your day! “How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? I don’t know, how ’bout you, how was your day?”
Jerry: Boy!
Kramer: It’s sad, Jerry. It’s a sad state of affairs.
The day the laughter died
im 29. i moved out of my girls apt. moved back home with the folks. i go to take a shower today this morning. my mom busts in and takes a piss while im in the shower. ‘what the fuck mom!?’ ‘i had to pee. relax. its my house’
im fucking miserable
At least his grammar might get better after his bitch proof reads all his shit before he submits it.
Just wait till you inevitably break up. You think moving is bad now, that shit is a million times worse after you break up and have to untangle your lives. Enjoy your remaining years…
At first you think it’s great. It’s like living with Mom but this chick can legally blow you. Then she tells you that there’s “no room” for your Batman figures, you are not hanging up that awesome concert poster, and then she stops blowing you. Have fun.
I mean, moving in with a girl can be rough. But am I the only one that thinks this might be a step up from living at home with the parents? Dude was fucking living with his god damn parents like a 10 year old. How emasculating. Just man up, treat her like a lady, and train her up right. My GF knows her roll, we live together, and I get foot massages and meals cooked every day. It’s a cake walk if done right.
@snapbacks I know right?
Will you still do the KFC Radio show? And if you do bring your girl out, wanna see what she’s about.
“I know right?” is number 1 in the worst phrases power rankings. Well done
just move to chicago and live with fake neil
Sounds awful, thanks for the advice.
get that hoe to show dem titties on the next kfc radio now
Comment section bringin the heat!
yup, biggest mistake of your life but then again, you quit your job to write for the fuckin stoolies so maybe not quite the biggest mistake but it’s def up there.
the real kicker is that shes gonna be on your ass about getting shit done around the apartment/house because you work from home. women do not understand the concept of actually working while your at home, even with a bullshit job like smut peddler. wait till you see the honey do list she starts leaving you. you’ll be back to cube monkey in 6 months tops
KFC, best of luck to you when you get your new cube monkey job. Oh, you thought she would let you continue to lounge around the house writing silly blogs? FOR SURE NOT!!
comments on this are fucking great, carry on
@tornopen wins!
Brickkilledaguy wins with best comment so far.
when have I ever admitted to a mistake?
does she have a lazy eye too?
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How do you blog AND move on the same day! Holy shit!
1. Does she know you used to be into trannies? 2. Does she consent to you discussing anal with her on the Stool?
ahhh young love….you’ll settle in start setting up Xmas decorations sitting together starting your lives…BAHAHAHA your fuckin fucked dude. Box marked belts start looking for the box marked KFC’s balls cause they are gone dude you idiot….
- Good luck leaving the house alone to go ANYWHERE. That includes a simple run to pick up shit at Stop & Shop
I read this comment and started quietly weeping.
Me: “I’m going to run to BJ’s to get the dogs the meatball treats they like”
Her: “Oh, I’ll go with you, just give me two hours to get ready.”
cut to: me watching tv for an hour, trip to BJ’s doesn’t happen, dogs get no meatballs.
PS: don’t get a dog together, many times that furry bastard was the only thing that kept me coming home.
nice job idiot
I read this comment and started quietly weeping.
Me: %u201CI%u2019m going to run to BJ%u2019s to get the dogs the meatball treats they like%u201D
Her: %u201COh, I%u2019ll go with you, just give me two hours to get ready.%u201D
cut to: me watching tv for an hour, trip to BJ%u2019s doesn%u2019t happen, dogs get no meatballs.
Don’t end up with meatballess dog. Get DirectTV.
What the fuck is that. The new format here even fucks up something that’s copied and pasted.
So, let me share a little story…. since it is 3:14AM, I got my wife and kids FINALLY asleep….
My wife and I were chillin, had some wine, and she was blowing me. And she was doing a great job, top notch honeymoon grade sucking… and then…. WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! The baby starts wailing one room over. So we did was any reasonable man would, I turned off that monitor… blasted my load into my wife’s mouth in the next 5 seconds…. so much for a night of fucking… baby is now soundly asleep next to my wife (she cleaned up first) and I am a zombie wandering around the house, smoking a bowl on my back porch at 3AM.
At least I got a good blowjob tonight. and I’m high now. Word up.
Worst mistake you could made in your life KFC but unfortunately its the only way you will understand how big of a mistake it is. I don’t know who said it above but solid advice that if you dont think you are going to marry her (you know already just think about it) leave now and run. tornopen I was dying reading your comment – a bowl on the back porch at 3AM the only alone time is classic. KFC good luck man but us Stoolies wont sugar coat it, youre in world of shit now
Laughed my ass off when I read this post, because, sadly it is so true. And also because of the perfectly placed pic of Gob.
I also move in with my girlfriend a couple of months ago. On move in day she also was cleaning the silverware out of the box, and I too called her psychopath. Some other things you have to look forward to:
– In my single days I’d hope out of the shower, spread water all of the floor, who gives a shit. Not now. Now I have to dry myself IN the shower, including my feet so the bathmat doesn’t get wet. Isn’t the fucking bathmat FOR drying your feet? Jesus fucking christ.
– Speaking of germs, I’m forced to wash my hands 93 times a day. I mean I get it, I shit, I wash my hands. I’ve always done that. But washing your hands after pissing? After touching the recycling bin outside? Before reaching into a bag of chips? Come on. I wish I was making this stuff up.
– Closest space – I knew this was going to be an issue moving in, but I’m ok with that, because like you I have very few things. I gave her the big closest in the hallway and I took the small one in the living room. Somehow her stuff has slowly migrated into mine. Shoes, jackets, and yes even belts.
Good luck to you my fellow cubicle monkey, as I’m sure you are still waiting for Bobs to deliver your shitty half-ass made furniture, and TWC to blow you off 10 times before they actually show up.
Yours Truly,
Crumpman
crumpman – Based from your post, I come to the conclusion, you are a spineless wimp.
Based on your post, you’re a fucking moron because you had a child. Kiss your social life goodbye! And don’t worry, your wife will stop blowing you soon. As Louie CK says “A woman doesn’t want to blow their husband, they want to blow their date”. You’re time will come brotha.