NFL - Tony Romo was great, but the MVP of the Dallas Cowboys‘ opening week win had to be owner Jerry Jones’ personal eyeglass cleaner. Jones has clearly been amused by all the attention, so we should have seen this next step coming. The Cowboys are going to try to make money off the story. Jerry’s son-in-law Shy Anderson, who was seen cleaning Jones’ glasses, has come up with a new product that will be for sale soon onDallasCowboys.com. The product: “Jerry Wipes.” This is not a joke. (Although it begs for a few.) It is not an Onion Sports article. Anderson came up with the idea to design and order eyeglass-cleaning cloths with the words “Jerry Wipes” printed on them, according to the Dallas Morning News. ”They can also be used for spontaneous shoe shining, if necessary,” Anderson cracked. “It started out as a joke, but let’s see how far we can take it.”
If you aren’t down with Jerry Jones then I don’t wanna know you as a person. Plain and simple. The guy is such a mega boss its not even funny. The guy does whatever he wants. Owns the most valuable franchise in American sports. Runs around town screaming about how he wants gloryhole action. He’s basically enslaved his own wide receiver like he lives in the Confederacy. Has his real life, actual slave at his beck and call cleaning his glasses for him in his luxury suite.
And now he’s selling Jerry Wipes so that the rest of us can be a little more like him. Now you, too, can pretend you’re a big dick swinging football titan each and every time you clean your glasses. Wouldn’t be surprised if they start selling Jerry Holes too. Just a full length door with a hole cut out with J-E-R-R-Y spelled out around the rim. Instant glory, wherever you need it! Just like Jerry Jones!