I’m not gonna be one of these Atheist asshole Stoolies who’s too good for God and religion. Not gonna make all those lame played out jokes Stoolie commenters love to make like “Let’s all believe there’s a magical wizard in the sky and eat crackers so he grants us our wishes!” That shit is lame. I go to church twice a year but I was raised to not be a loser Atheist so I respect the tradition of it all.

But that being said you’re a grade A asshole if you walk around with dirt smeared across your forehead all day today. It is the ultimate “Look at me! Look at me! I’m Catholic!” move. Seriously, there’s absolutely no other reason for it. Its like every other archaic religious tradition went by the wayside but the one modern Catholics chose to stick with is the one where you get to walk around showing everyone just how Catholic you think you are. Buncha attention whores if you ask me. I’d bet the rent 90% of the people walking around with a dirty face don’t even know what Ash Wednesday means. Just a chance to put your Christianity on display and get credit for going to church. Because if there’s one thing in this world people love, its getting credit for shit. (I’m looking at you, Matty Funtimes.) That that goes double when it comes to being religious. People don’t wanna do any weird boring religious shit unless they get to let other people know they did weird boring religious shit. Ain’t no better way to show you went to church than painting your forehead black with soot.

PS – Thats why Jews wear the yarmulke. Its like their version of ashes but they do it year round. Its like hey guys don’t worry! We can tell you’re Jewish because you’re wearing black work socks with shorts in the summer and you got a Portnoy schnoz. You can take the coaster off your head.