Just Your Friendly Annual Reminder That If You Walk Around With Ashes Smeared On Your Face Today, You’re An Asshole
I’m not gonna be one of these Atheist asshole Stoolies who’s too good for God and religion. Not gonna make all those lame played out jokes Stoolie commenters love to make like “Let’s all believe there’s a magical wizard in the sky and eat crackers so he grants us our wishes!” That shit is lame. I go to church twice a year but I was raised to not be a loser Atheist so I respect the tradition of it all.
But that being said you’re a grade A asshole if you walk around with dirt smeared across your forehead all day today. It is the ultimate “Look at me! Look at me! I’m Catholic!” move. Seriously, there’s absolutely no other reason for it. Its like every other archaic religious tradition went by the wayside but the one modern Catholics chose to stick with is the one where you get to walk around showing everyone just how Catholic you think you are. Buncha attention whores if you ask me. I’d bet the rent 90% of the people walking around with a dirty face don’t even know what Ash Wednesday means. Just a chance to put your Christianity on display and get credit for going to church. Because if there’s one thing in this world people love, its getting credit for shit. (I’m looking at you, Matty Funtimes.) That that goes double when it comes to being religious. People don’t wanna do any weird boring religious shit unless they get to let other people know they did weird boring religious shit. Ain’t no better way to show you went to church than painting your forehead black with soot.
PS – Thats why Jews wear the yarmulke. Its like their version of ashes but they do it year round. Its like hey guys don’t worry! We can tell you’re Jewish because you’re wearing black work socks with shorts in the summer and you got a Portnoy schnoz. You can take the coaster off your head.
no jews wear the yarmulke to cover that bald spot.. im sure their still working on something socially acceptable to hide those gigantic noses
Already showered this morning.. No thanks
Just a friendly reminder that if you criticize people’s religious beliefs your a complete asshole.
wake the fuck up. You’re a blindo if you think atheists are the assholes. Christians are the assholes man (so are the jews and muslims) buddhists are alright though
Amen, KFC
Hondos- check
Internet nerds- check
Feminists- check
Looks like today we’ll be working on pissing off the Catholics and Jews.
Has Vegas come out with the lines on the next Pope yet? Can’t wait to get my Conclave on.
@gettingmydickhaaahd: Beat me to it on the bald spot comment, but I think Groucho Marx glasses will suffice for the noses.
If you’re a loser for refusing to ignore science and reason, then I’m Steven Glandsberg
I assume BillyBaroo is a christian (only because he was raised in a christian home) and when he says “religious beliefs,” he means HIS religious beliefs.
nothing like tattooing yourself to say “hey, you know all those pedophiles? i’m one of the gang!”
ash Wednesday jokes. a new level of blogging.
billybaroo go fuck yourself. you can take your fairy tales and dangle.
Getting ashes still isn’t as bad as being one of those fucksticks who wears Rosary beads as jewelry.
@readyFUELZ: Only the hard-core nut jobs ignore science. Going to church once in a while doesn’t mean science and reason go out the window. You sound as intolerant as the religious people you and @longshlong hate so much. Look at some of the lawsuits that the Freedom From Religion Foundation or whatever they’re called have filed. Hardcore atheists are just as intolerant as the the hardcore religious whackos they hate. Don’t be ignorant.
The moral of this story is who cares if you are religious or not, don’t walk about with shit on your face because you look like an asshole
Kevin, going to church twice a year and spending the rest of it posting nudie pictures on the internet and ragging on blacks and blindos doesn’t make you a catholic.
@HarryJohnson – If you feel that going to church “once in a while” will save you from some eternal damnation that you have been brainwashed to believe in since birth without any proof whatsoever of its existence makes you feel better, be my guest. Not going to church doesn’t make you ignorant.
or an ashole
organized religion is the biggest scam of all time, KFc you should start the church of the stool
You know the only true catholics are the black people who get this done, no one can see the ash on their foreheads.
@harryjohnson you cant be serious comparing the most hardcore atheist with hardcore religious wackos?? hardcore religious wackjobs literally kill people because they are so warped. U the ignorant one
George Carlin nails religion http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPOfurmrjxo
So you are saying that wearing ashes is saying “look at me I’m Catholic”? So is you blogging and bashing other peoples beliefs saying “look at me I’m an uneducated ass hole”?
Meh, trying too hard
readyFUELZ, I actually mean everyone’s beliefs. Christian, Jew, Scientologist, Athiest, whatever. Your choice, I won’t criticize. So go fuck yourself.
archaic tradition? umm you ever see Jews walking on Saturdays because they cant use power/technology or whatever? or the fact that they have curly ponytails for sideburns 365? dont even need to get into how archaic the world of Islam is
the PS was gold
@umichtag – how is he “uneducated?”
KFC has a blogger I’m going to assume you support the 1st amendment. If people want to walk around with ashes so be it. Many people have died so they can.
@Numero 3 1/2 to 1 odds that it’ll be an African as of Monday. Take the white pope prop bet though.
@readyFUELZ: I didn’t say that not going to church makes you ignorant. I said it’s ignorant to rip on religion constantly and assume that going to church once in a while makes you a mouth breather who thinks the universe is 6000 years old. Work on your reading comprehension.
@longshlong: Not defending religious killing at all, but in terms of general intolerance, atheists are just as bad. Not defending religious nuts, because they suck too. And for the record, the great atheists Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Ho Chi Minh, etc. slaughtered a shit ton of religious people because the great enlightened Communists see how bad religion is. “U” should read a book.
@EZBreezey2222 comparing one stupid thing to possibly even stupider things does not really make any of them look good.
Kevin,
As much as I dislike him, Pres is funny because he combines intelligence with an unabashed lack of sensitivity. When you get the latter without the former, you’re no different from some angry hick in Iowa that posts in the comment section of a story about a ketchup stain that looks like Jesus.
You deliver the latter without the former. You write for a living. When you make a contraction using the word ‘is’ you need an apostrophe where you dropped the ‘i’. Once, twice, or thrice in an article may be excusable as a mistake, in which case, who cares. You’re just an idiot though.
Yeah, I said thrice. F you.
The difference between me and everyone else is I already KNOW I’m an asshole…you’re just in denial.
i’d put money down that 90% of girls that do it are on their hands and knees nightly…
@edrooney Interesting, I was thinking a South American Pope, possibly from Brazil. Mexico is a front runner too I think. They love them some Catholic Jesus south of the border.
@Harry Johnson – if you aren’t a “mouth breather who thinks the universe is 6000 years old” then what are you doing in Church? You’d be a buffet catholic – you say, “eh, i’ll take you christmas and your easter, and MAYBE no meat on Friday during lent (unless im really craving steak), but you can keep that going to church and no premarital sex thing”
Yeah, Jews walk walk around with Yarmulkes and curls, and don’t work from Friday afternoon through the weekend, Sikhs wear turbans year round, and Muslims typically wear head coverings and other strange attire, but I’m the asshole for getting ashes today?? Prez should fire you when he’s done fixing his yarmulke, you dick.
HArry Johnson you sir are a humongous loser church is for retarded redniecks plain and simple, if you go or if you give them any money ever you support, homophobia, pedophilia, and you hate science
you respect the tradition of it all? You mean the tradition of killing those who don’t agree with you? being the root cause of every war? Fucking little kids and covering it up? Nice traditions. Catholic education worked wonders on you.
Atheists are like 9 trillion percent more attention seeking than someone who gets ashes on their head. All they want to do is hear their own voice.
hidden lax what a rediculous blanketing statement. All christians rape boys, all muslims are terrorists, and all jews are cheap (well that is true). see i can do it to
@catbrains – no, theyre assholes too.
@readyFUELZ and wilburham’s most recent comments basically prove my point. But you’re obviously smarter than me so go ahead and bask in your intellectual superiority and “tolerance.”
You already did you dumb fuck. Read your last comment.
Well, as long as we’re ALL assholes. That’s how Jesus wanted it.
28, how do you feel about being an American? There’s a tradition there too you know, wiping out the indians, Japanese internment camps, slavery… Are you saying you’re anti-American too?
Wow, there are some really stupid people in this comment section. Par for the course though.
harry j and hidden lax, I just dont understand how you can possibly go to church and think its a productive use of time the stories they tell are rediculous. also the churches should pay a shitload in tax
Nothing more riviting than brain dead cock suckers arguing about religion.
The word is ridiculous. And that’s a perfectly valid opinion to have- especially the taxes part. But atheists think it’s their job to lecture religious people on how dumb they are and why God isn’t real. That seems like a less productive use of time and waste of breath.
hidden lax – when these religious nuts refuse to allow legalized gay marriage in the name of their religion, or refuse to let a woman decide whether or not she can have an abortion, yes, i feel like i need to explain to them how god isnt real.
KFC trying to start a World War. Blindos, Catholics, blacks and Hondos… wonder who’s next
KFC, no need to use the word schnoz. It’s just called a Portnoy
@wilburham: Fair enough. It works for some people and not others, if it’s not your thing then that’s fine. And I’d be in favor of taxing churches if it would finally shut up assholes like Jesse Jackson.
hidden, its more of a curiosity thing for me, I grew up going to catholic church, and never believed in it for a second, I just wonder how anyone can believe it, and why some people are nuts for it
Bunch of meat head stoolies arguing over Jesus Christ..This is actually pretty humorous
Pageviews must be loving this.
@harryjohnson- Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Ho Chi Minh may have been atheists, but they did not commit murders in the name of their non religious belief. Stalin also had a mustache but doesn’t mean he killed people in name of facial hair. The leaders you mentioned slaughtered millions because of political ideology. Just as fucked up as doing it because of religious ideology. I don’t have a problem with people who support organized religion, but you cant argue that organized religion has been the cause of far more fucked up shit then people who don’t associate with any religion
Funny how Atheists will bash Christians and Jews up and down all day long but have ZERO balls to say that shit to the face of some hardcore Muslim motherfuckers. Take your asses to Detroit and start saying Allah doesn’t exist! HA! Or do that while saying you’re gay! HA! Beheaded and strung up for sure. I bet you start praying when they bring that machete out on your asses! lol! Bet you’d rather have some ashes on your head vs your head sitting on some ashes.
No one cares about hockey
@mayhem – you have nothing to add to the conversation, so just but out and go to class.
@banned – if you will put ashes on your forehead and believe in god rather to be safe than sorry or to avoid being beheaded by muslims in detroit (cause that sounds realistic) then you have some serious issues
Trust me I hate wearing the ashes as much as you guys hate seeing them, but what is worse is the morons who come up to me and tell me I have shit on my forehead. Thanks a lot bro I had no idea.
Not really religious KFC but you sound like a total dick calling out people for being Christian hardos for doing something that really doesn’t hurt anybody and is no different and way less retarded than a shitload of other religion’s demonstrations of their beliefs. Ever see some of the shit Muslims do? But then it’s easy and safe to pick on Christians and Jews nowadays ain’t it? They don’t come find you and behead you in the 21st century. Now if you want to be cutting edge and show some balls how about a shitting on Muslim blog? You know, the women shit, public beheadings, or hey I know – how about some funny ass cartoons of Mohammed? I realize you just wrote this shit to get some reaction from both religious and non-religious tards, but imagine how much reaction THAT blog would get??? Not betting I’ll see that one soon tho. Fucking pussy.
Monkey, I fully acknowledge those events as a dark part of our history that no American should be proud of, or deny even happened (as some do) The difference is these religious nutbags see no wrong in their delusion or bigotry. In their mind, God does all the good positive shit. Their priests fucking kids? Oh, well….he works in mysterious ways, and that problem will just go away if we ignore it. Free will right? Religion is a disease.
this post now puts you below neil in my book, douchebag
Tribalism is part of our evolution. Human beings are social creatures and ill equipped to live by themselves. So we form groups based on common religion, ethnicity, political affiliations etc. Now every one of these groups has at some point in history committed atrocities towards non members, there is no group that is blameless. So for the atheists out there, if you are arguing against religion because you wish to live in a egalitarian society with no nations, religions, political parties- that is a constructive argument. Claiming that religion is the root cause of conflict in the world is a weak argument.
“Kevin, going to church twice a year and spending the rest of it posting nudie pictures on the internet and ragging on blacks and blindos doesn’t make you a catholic.”
No…. the guilty masturbation does.
@longshlong: If that’s the case, then what would you call the state-sanctioned murder of non-atheist citizens by an atheist government, solely because those citizens were not atheists?
almost all terrorism is fundamentally initiated because of a person’s religious beliefs. This shit has been going on since the crusades. Saying religion is the root cause of conflict in the world is far from a weak argument. and btw A muslim’s religious beliefs are just as stupid and dangerous as bible thumpers. “Ye shall keep the sabbath therefore; for it is holy unto you: every one that defileth it shall surely be put to death: for whosoever doeth any work therein, that soul shall be cut off from among his people.” Exodus 31:14 Funny how christians don’t seem to follow that one every sunday.
oh and btw i went to a catholic grammar school, and high school. I was a catholic until i reached the age of reason.
quit makin an ash of yourself
@readyFUELZ (should use an S by the way – hardo move unless you also spell Zquid like this)
Anyway first and foremost I never implied what my thoughts are about me and Ash Wednesday so nice assumption. Oh and good job on the mind reading you Dionne Warwick motherfucker. Your conclusion that I feel some ash on a forehead stops Muslims from beheading a dude is simply stupid and irrelevant.
Now why don’t you go and pump some gas Habib? I’m sure we all just heard a “DING!DING!”…….be sure to check the oil too.
That is just based on your definition of Terrorism. The US Military has troops in over 150 countries. We have conducted hundreds of drone strikes in the past decade. We’re not trying to spread the word of God, we’re trying to spread democracy. Stalin was spreading communism. There have been many cases of ethnic cleansing in the past 50 years. Remove religion from the world and there will still be wars and genocide.
@banned – confused as to why you would assume I am middle eastern. Im as white as the day is long.
funny how 28ontheway said he was Catholic until he reached the age of reason…..I like to think I reached the age of reason long before JH or HS. But if you attended JH and HS as a Catholic then reached your age of reason after HS – kudos to you, you slow retard. Additionally it’s very safe to say that terrorism or religious zealots were going on LONG before the Crusades you moron. But hey, you keep showing your bias to Christianity by using that as a start date for all the bad that happened in the world. I mean it’s not like Moses held the Jews long before that or Egyptians uses certain slaves to build religious monuments for kings to be buried in. Or the Huns raping a pillaging throughout Asia. LONG BEFORE THE CRUSADES. But yeah those rascally Catholics started it all man! Fucking uninformed idiots – it’s guys like you who still have your Obama 2012 sticker on your Civic.
I didn’t assume you were Muslim readytopumpFUEL I stated you were Muslin to attack you in return for being an anti Christianity idiot and as a play on your name and the stereotype that most gas stations are run my Habibs. I mean do you really need it explained to you? Were your feeling really that hurt that you had to calmly and sincerely ask why OH WHY would I dare to think you were of Middle Eastern decent?!?!? WHY MAN WHY!?!?
Look I really don’t know anything about you, but if I call you a cock sucking douche bag it really doesn’t mean that I’ve chosen that insult due to concrete evidence that I’m holding onto in a safe. I will say this is certain – you are a definite uniformed sensitive idiot.
^ Now, now Father Cumstain, i was using an example of something a long time ago that demonstrated my point you fucking idiot. Someone takes their sunday school a little too seriously. And i was referring to the age of reason where i could finally say out loud that ALL religion is bullshit, but keep thinking you know more than any other loud-mouthed religious dickbag.
@ banned you do realize Christians also believe that Allah did not exist right? or at the very least was not a savior of any kind. I don’t see many Christians or Jews “going to detroit and saying Allah doesnt exist” either.. Why? Because that is would be a ridiculous thing to do. So what are you talking about?
I think his point was that atheists are not as outspoken when in the company of more violent religious fundamentalists. To be fair, if there were violent atheist fundamentalists I would avoid discussing religion with them.
jahovas witnesses came to my house 2 weeks in a row after i told them not to come back, 3rd week i asked them for their home address. Why? You know where i live, so i might wanna stop by your house some time. I cant do that they say. Well, there’s no double standards around here, so im gonna need your address. They left and never came back. My point, no athiest has ever asked me for 10% of my salary for their made up ideas.
Check your next pay stub, see how much of your salary the US government is “asking” you to donate.
Blindos, Hondos, Jews, Catholics, feminists. Who’s next, Clancy?
The PS sealed this one. Good read and lol.
Harry Johnson is correct. The asshole that screams and yells that God exists is just as bad as the asshole that screams and yells that He doesn’t.
Dear “KFC”,
I just came across your post title “Just Your Friendly Annual Reminder That If You Walk Around With Ashes Smeared On Your Face Today, You’re An Asshole.” First of I would like to point out that your degrading title is grammatically incorrect, words such as “if”, “on”, “with” and “an” should not be capitalized in a title, therefore showing your ignorance before even tackling your article.
Within your article you go on to contradict yourself, and then show how ignorant you truly are. In the first paragraph you state that you were “raised not to be a loser Atheist so I respect the tradition of it all,” but then go on to completely contradict this statement by saying “But that being said you’re a grade A asshole if you walk around with dirt smeared across your forehead all day today.” Obviously if you think a person who actively practices their religion by getting ashes is an asshole, you have no respect for the tradition of it. Not only does it show your ignorance and utter disrespect for peoples beliefs, but it also shows how unknowledgeable you are. People do not walk around with “dirt” smeared on their head, as stated in the name of Ash Wednesday, they walk around with ashes strategically placed on their foreheads, not dirt.
The fact that you refer to it as dirt further proves your ignorance in the matter and the fact that you have contradicted yourself throughout your entire rant. You say, “I’d bet the rent 90% of the people walking around with a dirty face don’t even know what Ash Wednesday means.” Obviously you have no idea what it means if you call people who celebrate it assholes and refer to it as dirt. As most people are aware, it is ash which comes from the left over palm from Palm Sunday and blessed to remind us that “we are dust and to dust we shall return.” Also it is a way to pay homage to Jesus for sacrificing himself for the human race. Maybe when you get ashes, or in the past have gotten ashes, it was to “get credit for going to church,” but for the rest of us, that is not the case. So before you go around making assumptions as to why people choose to pay homage by getting ashes you should educate yourself first.
Finally your ignorance truly shines though in your PS, which is another grammatical error because it should be P.S., you prove that you are an anti-Semitic asshole stereo typing people of the Jewish faith. I know plenty of people who practice Judaism who do not have large noses and do not wear black socks with shorts in the summer. Although I know this is the internet, you should keep your opinions to yourself especially when you have no idea what you are talking about. Blog posts like this only fuel racism and divide us as a country. Obviously through your ignorant statements, your stereotypical views, and your butchering of the English language you have shown that you do not care about America.
I guess Jgeeks is new to the stoool, sarcasm, humor and science… He does however have quite the grasp on the english language, I wish i could type in stereo.
no, that is just not funny, its ignorant.
^ it’s*
@jgeeks – go write a book. God isn’t real, you sheep.
For Mo it’s ash wednesday everyday.
jgeeks you either gotta get on me for bashing christians, or get on me for bashing jews. Cant have both bro. Thats contradictory. Pick a side.
KFC, No it is not contradictory, it is called not bashing on people for their beliefs, but if you must go with the Jews.
Tony Reali is Pissed.
Your an asshole for doing something for your faith? Fuck yourself
Religion sucks. If you need a religion to have a set of morals, then you too suck. You’re all assholes and hypocrites. God damn it!
Just a friendly reminder,if you are walking around with a super Jew schnoz… You are a cheap asshole. P.s. You can wipe ashes off your head,you can’t wipe the Jew away.
@cantgetthestinkout: Actually, that’s EXACTLY what makes him a catholic
KFC, I’m with you bro. These commenters are morons. You’re not criticizing their religious beliefs, just a ‘tradition’ of the religion. It’s akin to criticizing Islamist extremists for suicide bombing in the name of Allah. Religion’s all right. Most of their traditions are batshit nutty.
KFC, it’s ironic that you call ash wednesday archaic when ALL of Catholicism is archaic. Think about this: you’re still following the teachings and beliefs of men 2000 years ago, aka back when they thought the earth was fucking flat and it was the law that you get stoned to death for stealing your neighbor’s pig.
Religion = brainwash. Fact.
A+
Jesus fuckin’ Christ, bunch of religious Michelle Fieldses out there in Stoolieland. You’d think they were touched by priests