Well it wasn’t as big of a blowout as our tournament analysts had projected, but Kars4Kids still managed to come away with the victory. It takes a serious level of awful to beat out fierce competitors like The General and 5 Hour Energy, but Kars4Kids kept its head down and powered its way to the win. I wish I had the time or energy to photoshop a picture of this Kars4Kids orphan on the Mario Kart podium with The General and Geico taking the 2 and 3 spots. Confetti raining down while the trophy pops out of that fish’s mouth. But I think everyone agrees it’s time to move on from Marketing Madness. Unfortunately I have absolutely nothing to award Kars4Kids- my significant lack of klout on the site (and it’s all about klout) hinders me from pulling any strings. No Blackout tickets or Summer Swag being given away here. Just a pat on the back and a “Hey, good job.” I guess I could do this actually: Follow @Kars4Kids on Twitter and tweet at them often. I don’t know who’s running their social media, but he/she is hilarious and 100% down to join in on the hatred. Kinda hoping it is a she. Kinda hoping she’s reading this. Kinda hope she direct messages @StoolPizzaBoy some nudies. And if I have to, I’ll send back a dick pic. Not normally my go-to move, but I’d do just about anything to hate-fuck the Kars4Kids Twitter girl with some Skrillex remix jingle asking me to donate shit playing on loop in the background. On loop… Who am I kidding… One time through the jingle should be plenty for me to ♪♪Donate my load today♪♪

Editor’s Note: Before you Pizza Boy Haters go on your predictable Pizza Boy rants, take a look at this…this was a real conversation we had this morning:

9am kid is going to deliver pizza.