PeopleAfter five years of marriage, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting a divorce, PEOPLE has learned exclusively.  “This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family,” says Holmes’s attorney Jonathan Wolfe. “Katie’s primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter’s best interest.”

Some people will call this a divorce. I call this an emancipation. Maybe the scientology brainwash wore off, or Tom Cruise was just done enslaving her, but Katie Holmes is a free woman.

Travolta and Tom Cruise should just get married now. Form the gayest, weirdest unholy alliance Hollywood has ever seen. Thats a serious power couple if I’ve ever seen one.

PS – Does Katie Holmes just go on a rampage now and fuck tons of dudes because shes free from the gay midget clutches of Cruise? I wouldnt be surprised if she goes and fucks every dude from the cast of Magic Mike