How many chicks do you think I fucked this night? 10? It was actually 11. Thanks.

Legit question – have you ever seen a cooler photograph than this? A Barstool ringer with a terrorist beard because kmarko was too scared to play, a cripple, and the two most Jewish looking kids the world has ever seen. How am I not famous yet? I’m easily the coolest kid in Manhattan. When we were taking this picture I’m pretty sure I heard some chicks whispering “Whos that kid in the middle who looks like a disabled veteran of war?”

Anyway, Coed Magazine put together Blogger Beer Pong on Wednesday night down at Wicked Willie’s, and let me tell you, my performance was borderline remarkable. I mean who steps to the table in a sling lefty and makes a run to the championship game??? I’d say my performance fell somewhere between Willis Reed in Game 7 of the 1970 Finals and MJ’s Flu Game in 97 against the Jazz. Team Barstool mowed down TV Squad, College Humor, and Guyism on the road to the Championship. People didn’t believe I was actually a righty. The opposition throwing the red flag challenging me saying I was faking. I was about to take my dick out and show them awkward lefty masturbation to prove them wrong but I figured that might make people uncomfortable. Anyway, in the fianls we got fucking smoked by Team Chosen who repped some website Infographic World. What the fuck is that shit? Dudes aren’t even in the smut game. I’ve never been more disappointed in my life. I should have been balls deep in that trophy Thursday morning. I was contemplating beating them up and stealing it but instead I made them buy us shots.

Most entertaining moment had to be when this chick was like “how does it feel? you’re about to lose to nerds?” I was like Hey toots, look around – you’re at a fucking blogger beer pong tournament. Pretty sure everyone in the room can be classified as a nerd. If you came here looking for Brad Pitt and Derek Jeter you may be in the wrong place.

PS – Team Inforgraphic World had the nerve to ask the dude who runs Coed Magazine Stephen if the only thing they won was the trophy. Yea, sorry guys, I guess Coed forgot to present you with your oversized $25,000 check.