(CNSNews.com) – The National Institutes of Health (NIH) has awarded $2.7 million to study why lesbians are at a higher “risk for hazardous drinking.” The University of Illinois has received grants since 2009 for its project, ”Cumulative Stress and Hazardous Drinking in a Community of Adult Lesbians,” which aims to develop “culturally sensitive” strategies to prevent lesbians from being drunks. “Studies using both probability and nonprobability samples provide ample evidence of lesbians’ vulnerability to hazardous drinking,” the grant’s description reads. “However, very little is known about the factors that increase lesbians’ risk for hazardous drinking.” “We propose to build on and extend our study of sexual identity and drinking… to model effects of cumulative stress on hazardous drinking among lesbians.” The researchers theorize that lesbians report higher rates of traumatic events, making them more likely to engage in hazardous drinking, which has been defined by NIH’s National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism as “more than 7 drinks per week or more than 3 drinks per occasion for women.” Furthermore, the problem may be worse for “lesbians of color,” the researchers say.

I honestly feel like going back to my blog detailing the reasons why lesbians are fat  and replacing the word “fat” with “drunk.” Its the same exact situation. I’ll boil down my last blog into a quick couple sentences in case you missed it: Lesbians are fat because fat women are shunned by men. They have to turn to the pussy. They stay fat because they have low standards and will fuck anything that doesn’t have a penis. They find a dickless dyke who’s just as bitter about not being loved by men and they stay fat together. No incentive to get skinny.

But now that we understand what makes the lesbian the lesbian, we must ask – why do the lesbians get shitfaced? According to the Cumulative Stress and Hazardous Drinking in a Community of Adult Lesbians Project, lezbos just love getting bombed and they can’t figure it out. Well lets see, scientists. They are fat, rejected women with low self esteem condemned to an entire lifetime of eating pussy. That right there is a fate that would drive anyone into the arms of alcoholism. They need to drink to ease that pain. And of course its worse for “lesbians of color.” The most difficult thing in the world is to be a gay black female. You’ve got discrimination comin at you from every way you turn. Bottom line, at the end of the day, any time you ask “Why do lesbians…” anything, you can follow the root of the issue all the way back to the same catalyst each and every time – they were rejected by the dick. Every girl is inherently born with the need to have a boyfriend and when that crashes and burns they become fat drunks.

If you’re keeping track at home I’ve just done about $4 million of work for the government in about 20 minutes.