Huff Po – This alleged drunk driver was apparently so drunk, he may not have been drunk at all. The Metro West Daily News reports that Richard Creighton was arrested and charged with driving under the influence of liquor and driving to endanger after police pulled him over this week in Framingham, Mass. Creighton blew an eye-popping .41, according to the paper. The legal limit is .08. Sounds like a slam-dunk case for prosecutors. Or does it? The Boston Herald spoke to veteran defense attorney William Harvey III who said, at that level of intoxication, Creighton shouldn’t have been physically capable of driving. “It could be a red flag that the machine isn’t operating correctly, because it’s so grossly high,” Harvey said. “That’s close to toxic levels, alcohol poisoning, where he should be dead. He shouldn’t even have been able to put the keys in the ignition.” That defense might work, but the News also reported that police said Creighton “could not stand on his own after his arrest, so police did not conduct a field sobriety test.” This wouldn’t be the first time someone with an alleged blood alcohol level of above .40 was able to operate a vehicle and get arrested, however. A Queensland, Australia woman blew a .407 when she was pulled over by cops, according to MSNBC.

Do you know what sort of precedent this would set for drunks like myself if Dick Creighton gets off for being too drunk? It will be like Roe v. Wade or the Brown v. The Board of Ed. Will change the landscape of culpability as we know it. If the “Oh no, that couldn’t have been me, I was too drunk to possibly have done that” defense is deemed acceptable I’ll never get in trouble for another thing in my entire life. No way I didn’t cheat on you baby, I was way to drunk for my dick to be working. Public urination, your honor? No chance. When I’m that drunk I always just piss in my pants. $1,000 charge on my credit card from the strip club, American Express? Disputing that charge because by 3am I’m usually so shitfaced I’m balls deep in Dominos Cheesy Bread

The list goes on and on. Its like Homer Simpson’s famous alcohol quote coming to life: Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.