Let Me People Go - The Ball, our famous annual December 24 event, has been the nation’s biggest Jewish Singles event 15 years in a row. 4,000 attended annually in NYC alone! That’s more than attend any Matzo Ball party in the country or more than have attended any event ever thrown by JDate!

Hey Feitelberg, go get your glass slippers because we gotta get you ready for the ball Cinderella!

What can I say? There’s just a ton of hilarious content coming from Jewish people today. Now as a devout Catholic, I have certain Gentile responsibilities to take care of on Christmas Eve December 24th. But make no mistake about it, if I wasn’t honoring the birth of the Lord Jesus Christ that night, I would be at the Matzo Ball the fucking second the doors opened shvitzing all over bitches. Because I have it on good authority (Kmarko’s Jew friends) that this thing is FUCK CITY. Literally thousands of Jewish chicks who are just DTF. And everyone knows Jewish chicks are all about giving head and anal. If I had to guess I’d imagine the Matzo Ball is like summer camp except with a lot less archery and a lot more fucking. Plus I get the distinct feeling that Jewish people really hate the fact that everyone is celebrating Christmas on the 24th and 25th so I bet these chicks are bitter and just looking to hate fuck some dude named Schmuel. I mean for Yahweh’s Sake I bet even this guy gets laid at the Jew Ball:

If you combined Andy Pettitte’s nose and El Pres’ schnoz it would still be like half the size of that thing. Just take one listen to the guy at the 2:05 mark and tell me you aren’t convinced that the Jew Ball isn’t the biggest orgy the world has ever seen. I’m seriously considering telling Mama KFC I’m working Christmas Eve and hitting this thing up. Especially considering I’ll be the Major League Dreidel Champion by then.