Hey Disney I hope you’re fucking happy with yourselves. Are you fucking nuts? I feel like Veronica Vaughn in Billy Madison when she yells at Billy for making fun of the kid who can’t read:
Making a movie about a couple who can’t have children who are magically blessed with a son from nature and in the end you fucking kill him? Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?
I was all set to make fun of these tubby little crybabies until I watched the trailer and learned about the movie. Listen to this shit: Jennifer Garner and her husband can’t have kids so they grab a pen and pad and write down all the qualities they want in a son and plant it in the yard. Timothy is magically born, with a bunch of leaves growing out of him. Every time he exemplifies one of those traits he loses a leaf. Once all his leaves are gone he’s fucking dead. Is that real life? Thats a sadder ended than the Dark Knight in Colorado. Just brutal. Disney presents the feel good family blockbuster of the summer! The slow death of a child! Watch the demise of a young boy as he makes his parents proud one situation at a time! I’d fucking bawl my eyes out at that shit too. Reminds me of the time I saw Homeward Bound when I was like 8 years old. When Shadow fell down that mine shaft in the end I wept like it was the end of the world. And Shadow fucking survived! It was a happy ending and I was still sobbing. My mom was like “KFC you little bitch Shadow and Chance and Sassy made it home! Quit fucking crying!”
If I watched Timothy Green die I’d kill myself before I left the theater.