Newsday - Keeling Pilaro, a male field hockey player, was denied permission to play for Southampton High School’s team this fall. In a March 30 meeting and an April 18 appeal hearing, Section XI’s Mixed Competition Committee ruled that the eighth-grader, essentially, proved to be too good a player last season to continue to compete against girls.  Pilaro, 13, had been approved last summer to play at the varsity level. At the time, it was determined that his size (4-6, 82 pounds) wouldn’t put girls at a physical disadvantage. He went on to lead Southampton in scoring with 21 points (nine assists) and the Mariners went 10-7, losing to Rocky Point in the first round of the Suffolk Class B playoffs. “The committee felt that Keeling demonstrated advanced field hockey skills during the 2011 varsity field hockey season which adversely affected the opportunity of females to participate successfully in that sport,” read the Mixed Competition Committee’s report following the March 30 meeting. The ruling was upheld in the April 18 appeal. The contents of the report have been confirmed by Section XI director Edward Cinelli. Southampton athletic director Darren Phillips said the school has requested a second appeal hearing, which has been tentatively scheduled for May 15. Keeling’s parents, Andrew and Fairely Pilaro, said they have threatened legal action. “How do advanced skills prohibit others from participating successfully?” Fairely Pilaro said. “Especially when size, strength and speed are removed from the equation. [The girls’] health and safety have never been in question.”

What a typical broad move, huh? Yea sure you can play with us as long as you’re not better than us. Skanks. Thats like “Hey Becky sure you can come to my sweet sixteen but you can’t look better than I do so be ugly that night.” Fuck you bitches! When my man Keeling was 4 foot 6 and 82 pounds you didn’t have shit to say. Turns out dude is nasty with a field hockey stick and spent all season running circles around you menstruating losers. Now that he’s probably like 5 foot 3 110 pounds and you wanna use that excuse to pull the plug. Surprise surprise All you feminists and female athletes all whine and complain about equality and Title this and Title that but when the cards are on the table everyone decides boys are too strong and too good for you to handle. The new mantra is “Hey we’re girls field hockey and we’re strong and proud! But not too strong and proud the boys are better than us and they’re not allowed to play!”

Switching gears here though – Keeling, my man, this is the best thing thats ever happened to you. Trust me. Its like when you’re a baby and for some reason you like playing with dolls instead of trucks. And your dad takes all the Barbies and throws them out. You’re crying your eyes out as a 2 year old but in the long run pops is making the right decision. Well right now I know you love dancing around these fat chicks and schooling them on the hockey field but in about 2 years you’re entire focus in life is gonna be getting handies and suckies. And nobody gives handies and suckies to the sissy on the field hockey team.