So as everyone knows I spent last weekend moving and for the past week or so I’ve been unpacking my shit. I was like 99% done except for one zip up side pocket on a piece of luggage. In there I found some DVDs. Always Sunny seasons 1 and 2. Arrested Development season 2. Dexter season 4. And BOOM motherfucker Tera Patrick and Briana Banks Collision Course. Are you fucking kidding me with this find? I feel like those people who find an old baseball card collection in their basement worth like $2 million. I’m pretty sure I could sell this on eBay for like $500,000 as a porno collectors item, but the intrinsic value is much higher than that. This thing is priceless. Truth be told I don’t even remember where or when I got this, but I just went up 10 points in my own book for having this DVD. Its gotta be only 1 of like 2 or 3 porn movies I’ve ever actually owned. Nowadays its all just live streaming, not the good old tangible porn like this. I feel like a hipster who would rather listen to his vinyl records on his phonograph. I’m gonna pop in this standard definition DVD and punish myself better than ever. You new age fools can enjoy your live webcams and fake reality porn. I’m going with the classic, theatrical disc of pornography.

PS – You gotta choose Briana Banks over Tera Patrick every day of the week right?