Screen Shot 2013-07-15 at 9.35.01 AM Screen Shot 2013-07-15 at 9.35.09 AM

Telegraph – Joao Maria de Souza, 45, had been in bed with his wife Leni when the animal fell through the ceiling of their home in Caratinga, southeast Brazil. The cow is believed to have escaped from a nearby farm and climbed onto the roof of the couple’s house, which backs onto a steep hill on Wednesday night. The corrugated roof immediately gave way and the one-and-a-half-ton animal fell eight feet onto Mr de Souza’s side of the bed. Rescuers took Mr de Souza to hospital with a fractured left leg but no other obvious injuries, reporting that he was conscious and talking normally. Hours later however he died from internal bleeding while still waiting to be seen by doctors, according to his family. Mr de Souza’s brother-in-law Carlos Correa told Brazil’s Hoje em Dia newspaper: “Being crushed by a cow in your bed is the last way you expect to leave this earth. ”But in my view it wasn’t the cow that killed our Joao, it was the unacceptable time he spent waiting to be examined.” His grieving mother, Maria de Souza, told Brazil’s SuperCanal TV channel: “I didn’t bring my son up to be killed by a falling cow.” Police in Caratinga, Minas Gerais state, have launched an inquiry into the bizarre death.

Last week I argued that getting eaten to death/crushed to death by sharks in a parking lot was the worst way to go. The least fulfilling death of all time. Well, I stand corrected. Because a cow falling through your roof and crushing you while you sleep takes the cake. The crappiest way to die. Worst part is, this is real fucking life. The shark parking lot death was from the best spoof movie in the past 20 years, Sharknado. This cow falling down a steep hill and wandering on to your roof and crushing you to death has happened in real life. In Brazil, which is kind of like fake life, but nonetheless this is reality.

And I’m not sure what kinda guy Joao Maria de Souza is, but I can’t imagine death by falling cow is very fitting for him. Thats how someone like me should die. I should be at my desk blogging and a fat, lazy, 2 ton animal should crush me to death. Fat and lazy killed by fat and lazy. One day when I’m on my death bed from cancer I want someone to just drop a cow on me.