Sometimes you eat The Fats, sometimes they eat you

Daily Mail- A buxom 200 pound woman faces manslaughter charges after allegedly smothering her lover with her breasts during a drunken row inside a mobile home. Donna Lange, 51, from Everett, Washington, is reported to have thrown herself down on top of her boyfriend at midday on Saturday. Police arrived at the scene following reports of shouting coming from inside the mobile home and found Lange lying on top of her boyfriend, 51, who weighed a stone less than her. Witnesses say they heard the 5ft 7in man, who shared the mobile home with 5ft 6in Lange, pleading with her to get off of him. One witness told The Sun: ‘She had her chest on his face – she smothered him to death.’ Lange, who was heavily intoxicated and received facial injuries in the disturbance told police she had no idea how the man had died. Doctors tried to save him but he was pronounced dead on arrival at Washington Swedish Medical Centre. Police said that in addition to the victim, a man and three women were at the scene, all who were heavily intoxicated. A policeman photographed what appeared to hair the same colour as Lange’s, clutched in the victim’s hand. Lange faces charges of second-degree manslaughter

Hey man, these are the hazards of being a chubby chaser. Its just like any other extreme sport, really. Whenever you hear of sky divers or base jumpers or any other dare devils suffering a tragedy, there’s always an element of like “Well he knew the risks he was taking.” Well thats what happens when you go whaling. Sometimes you harpoon a humpback and make it out alive. Sometimes you encounter Moby Dick and she destroys your mobile home and smothers you to death with her tits. Thats the price you pay for playing with the big girls. At least he went out in style. All liquored up with a face full of titties.

But let this be a lesson to all of us – when you decide to have sex with one of The Fats, always stay on top or hit it from behind. I’m not even sure how the logistics of fat sex even work sometimes but never let them get the upperhand. Fat people can’t handle gravity so always stay above the folds. Avoid being smothered or crushed and live to fuck another day.