Dwight Howard’s baby mama really made some waves today. So I thought the only way to properly honor her is be deciding whether we’re fictionally going to fuck her, marry her, or kill her in cold blood.
I gotta marry Sara Jean Underwood. To me shes just on another level and she’s got that little hint of nerd to her. Actually, shes probably not a nerd at all, she just realizes that nerds probably like to jerk off to her so shes got that shtick going. But in any event, she seems down with the nerd scene. I need a chick thats gonna be cool with the fact that I still have 3 Magic: The Gathering decks. Marrying underwood.
Now dealing with Dwight Howard’s Chick (Thats her name by the way. Legal name. First name Dwight last name Howard’schick) is hard. On the one hand she’s BLAZING hot. A nuclear smokebomb. Ridiculous ass. Amazing body. Seems super slutty. Problem is she’s been impaled by the long dick of my arch enemy Dwight Howard. If it was ANYBODY else, I’m fucking her in a heartbeat. I’m talking anyone. Lebron could have fucked her. Pres could have fucked her. I wouldn’t mind sloppy seconds from anyone but Dwight Howard. But, I’m a man of honor and a man of my word. I have to kill her.
With Paulina Gretzky being my consolation prize. Best MFK ever. You can’t lose. You can’t 100% win really, but you can’t lose either