Khaleesi - Mother Of Dragons

R'hllor - Lord of Light

Queen Cersei - Bitch

Total Number of Votes: 17384

My first instinct is to marry Khaleesi. She’s the Mother of Dragons and she’s easily the hottest girl on the show. Arya may have something to say about that in 5 years, but if we’re playing the no-pedophile edition, then it’s definitely Khaleesi. But then I started thinking about the fact that she was married to Khal Drogo and his horse-cock before he died. It’s gotta be an absolute mess down there. You don’t just come back from constantly getting dicked by a Dothraki on a nightly basis. I’m still gonna marry her though- can’t pass up the opportunity to own a dragon.

The next two decision are a little tougher. I think I’m gonna have to hate fuck Cersei. She’s a selfish bitch and I don’t think she smiled once in the first two seasons. Definitely not wifey material. Plus she was secretly fucking her brother for a while so you know she’s down to get weird and she can keep a secret. I don’t want word getting out that I’m fucking the biggest sourpuss in middle earth. Then I’m gonna kill R’hllor, Lord of Light. Here’s my reasoning: A. Her name fucking sucks and I sound retarded trying to pronounce it. Trying to do so in bed would kill any momentum I had going for me. B. I’m not sure how the Game of Thrones timeline plays out in relation to real time, but I’m pretty sure she gave birth like 2 weeks after she got fucked. I don’t want any part of that outrageously fertile pussy. Not to mention she spawns demonic black smoke assassins. So yeah, I’m pretty comfortable with killing R’hllor.