Michelle Beadle

Hannah Storm

Lindsay Czarniak

Total Number of Votes: 25265

In honor of Michelle Beadle’s monkey cock picture and my newly blossoming feelings for her, I figured why not judge her in a hypothetical game of whether you would prefer to have sex, murder, or wed three different girls! I included Lindsay Czarniak because I am completely torn on her – I flip flop on her like every other day. Sometimes she’s a total smoke and other times not so much. And for our third contestant I included Hannah Storm because either she’s A) Benjamin Button or B) She sold her soul to the Devil to still look this good at her age. Either way, I’m intrigued.

Clearly I’m marrying Michelle Beadle. Like I said in that monkey dick post, she’s just got this vibe about her that I love. Doesn’t give a fuck what Erin Andrews thinks. Doesn’t give a shit about ESPN. Just wants to go out there and look good and talk sports and get fucked. Thats all I’m trying to do with my life. I’m marrying you Michelle.

As much as Hannah Storm has that “I’m a hot older broad who can fuck your dick off with 30 years of sexual experience,” I think I’m killing her. Because when I think of Hannah Storm, I think of 1995 NBA on NBC Hannah Storm:

Like a lesbian haircut and a pantsuit with shoulder pads. Laughing it up with Bill Walton and Marv Albert. She’s gotten infinitely hotter in her old age but I can’t shake this image of her from like 20 years ago.

Which leaves me to fuck Lindsay Czarniak. Hopefully its on one of her good days when I think she looks like a smoke. Otherwise I will forever regret not fucking Hannah Storm. She’ll grow to be like 90 years old and even fucking hotter and taunt me to the day I die.