(Newser) – It’s every schoolkid’s dream come true: There’s no more homework at a Maryland elementary school. The new assignment for students: Read a book of their choosing for 30 minutes per night, Fox 5 reports. After becoming principal two years ago, Stephanie Brant and her colleagues “really started evaluating the work that we sent students home with,” and found it lacking, she says. “We were giving students something because we felt we had to give them something.” The school district gave Brant the OK to try a no-homework policy. Parents seem to support the idea. “When [my son] comes home, he has relaxing time. And I think kids need that relaxing time,” says one. To facilitate kids’ reading habits, students get to go to the library every day, instead of once a week, as at most schools. And the plan seems to be working fine: Fifth graders showed 72% proficiency in math and 81% in reading in the most recent state exams. That’s noteworthy in a school district where 70% of the children don’t speak English at home, and 82% qualify for subsidized lunches.
Fantastic. Now not only are we raising a new generation of pussies, but apparently we’re raising a generation of pussy idiots as well. No homework for your precious little snowflakes! They need relaxation time! Let them assign themselves as much homework as they want! Just don’t be surprised 20 years from now when they’re some dirty hairy hippie shitting in a park banging on a drum and they’re too fucking stupid to even write up some posters. Maybe we should just do away with classes all together! Permanent recess! As long as kids are happy thats all that matters. Morons.
Homework is infinitely important. Not because it makes you smarter. Because it teaches you about cheating and cutting corners. It makes you explore new and creative ways to snake it. In 7th grade I was friends with a semi-retarded Puerto Rican kid. He was fluent in Spanish, I was good at math. So he did my Spanish homework, I did his algebra. That was the first time I learned about utilizing Hispanics for labor. Huge life lesson made possible by homework. Writing papers was where I discovered how to increase the font size and widen the margins to turn 3 pages into 5. It was an important lesson on how to cut corners and do as little work as possible while still achieving my goals. Maybe my most important lesson ever. All made possible by homework.
But go ahead, Maryland. Raise a state full of incapable retards.