Daily NewsMarina Chapman, a housewife from Bradford in northern England, claims she was kidnapped when she was 5 years old from her childhood home near Cucuta, Colombia, sometime in the 1950s and then abandoned by her captors in the jungle near the Venezuelan border. Her book, “The Girl With No Name: The Incredible True Story of the Girl Raised by Monkeys,” details how she took up with a group of capuchin monkeys and spent the next five years living with them as a pint-sized Jane of the Jungle. She learned to climb trees and caught birds and rabbits with her bare hands, her daughter told Australia’s Sunday Times. “I got bedtime stories about the jungle, as did my sister,” Vanessa James told the newspaper. “We didn’t think it odd — it was just Mum telling her life. So in a way it was nothing special having a mother like that.” Eventually, she was found by a group of hunters, who traded her to a brothel for a parrot. She was later taken in as a maid by a Colombian family, who brought her to Bradford for a business trip in 1977. She met a man named John Chapman, a former church organist and bacteriologist, at a church meeting, and they later married. Her daughters claimed Chapman raised them like little monkeys and kept insects and varmints around the house. “When we wanted food, we’d have to make noises for it,” James said. “All my school friends loved Mum as she was so unusual. She was childlike, too, in many ways.”

This story is such bullshit. If you want to tell me that a little girl was kidnapped for apparently no reason & dumped in some Venezuelan jungle to be raised by a pack of tiny monkeys, that’s fine. I’ll believe a human child with limited motor skills managed to inherit the ability to hunt & live amongst the trees from capuchins half her size while avoiding jaguars, anacondas, etc. for 5 years. A kid with lice flinging their own shit isn’t all that far-fetched. Where Marina Chapman loses her credibility though is when she talks about being picked up by hunters & dealt to a pimp for a parrot. Come on. Anyone who knows anything knows a 10 year-old monkey/human hybrid found naked flying through the foliage like a shrieking cross between Gabby Douglas & the chick from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon brings in a way bigger haul than a fucking parrot. If these hunters wanted a parrot, they’d have caught a parrot. Gotta be a lot easier than bagging Chimp Girl. I saw Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. So nice try, Marina – almost had me. You spun a virtually flawless tale, but I’m just a little too smart to bite on your parrot shenanigans.