Memory Foam Beds Are Too Comfy And Too Hard To Fuck On So Couples Are Just Going To Sleep
Yahoo – Something surprising is going on in the American bedroom. In droves, people are outfitting their beds with a plush, squishy, and decidedly controversial type of mattress. While these products support the body just-so during sleep, they distress some people during sex. The complaint is lack of “traction,” if you get the drift. “It’s like trying to do it in quicksand,” one owner writes on an Internet message board. New York sex therapist Sari Eckler Cooper couldn’t be clearer: “There’s a lack of resistance for the knees and feet. And whoever is on the bottom is sinking into the bed.” Mattress shoppers are weighing the risk — bad sex — against the promise — good sleep — and are voting with their eyelids: They choose to snooze. “Is it difficult to have, ahem, ‘relations’ on one of these?” we asked. The salesman blushed slightly, tripped over a few words, and then provided something of an answer. It isn’t so much that it is difficult, he said. “It’s just that coils give you bounce, which you don’t get on memory foam. It’s a lot more physically intense because you’re not getting any help from the bed.” Still, 80% of memory-foam owners are satisfied with their beds. The implications of the math are clear: Many people don’t really care if the sex is lousy as long as the sleep is good.
When I get married I am getting a fucking bed of nails for me and my wife to sleep on. I want that shit to be as uncomfortable as humanly possible. Might not even have a bed at all. Maybe I’ll just make me and my wife sleep standing up or hanging upside down from the ceiling like vampires. Because nothing kills your chances for sex like your lady getting comfortable in bed.
These are new things I’m learning as I’m getting older. Things that I used to consider my friends are now my enemies. Like a comfortable bed. I used to love a comfortable mattress and some fluffy ass pillows. Now I take one look at a comfy bed and all I see is a cockblocking son of a bitch. Wine. I used to love wine at night. Until I realized its goddam liquid Ambien in a bottle. Night time. I used to be a creature of the night. Now I wanna live in like Iceland or some shit because I can get 24 hours a day. Because once your girlfriend gets horizontal with a couple glasses of wine and its dark out, you might as well just go secretly masturbate in the bathroom.
PS – Maybe I just really suck in bed?
Jesus. It sounds like you’re married.
So that’s why my wife won’t touch me…. I thought it was the 20lbs beer belly…. Who knew?
“Jokes? I use to love my jokes. Until I realized they put everyone to sleep faster than a xanex at the philharmonic.”
Why do you have to masturbate in secret in the bathroom if she refuses to fuck you the least she can do is let you jerk off where you want to
but your gf is so cool KFC i wouldnt worry about anything, she even likes sports! shes perfect!
you can’t be that bad in bed. i mean if she’s putting up with the fact that you have 9 chins, a lazy eye, get drunk most nights and work on a computer in your underwear for not much money, you have to be at least alright in the sack….or shes just pathetic
This is why I don’t date girls my own age. Perky, drunk and young is the only way to go.
wait until you throw a kid in the mix. you watch the bachelorette on dvr from the night before because it ends too late on the night its live. so the kid goes to bed, you dvr fly through the bachelorette while eating a bowl of ice cream, and get in bed by 930.
I have a mattress that is similar to memory foam called Invigo Fresh, billed as a latex mattress for athletes. I have had zero trouble getting laid in the month I’ve had it. Granted one of them was a trailer park girl and a 5, but the other two were solid 7′s.
I have a memory foam bed and bang my girl twice a day, every learn how to make a chick horny?
Sounds like a good way to sell your GF on her getting nailed on the floor face down over a pillow. Just drop the “everyone knows you cant fuck on these beds”. Or stay in bed and scam: “I know we have done a lot of anal lately, sweetheart, but I just cant get any thrust going with this damn bed…anal is the only way it feels right so I can finish. Your mouth might work too, I’m not sure.”
Stamford Marriott
just bend her over the bed, i mean amirite???