I’ve Got Hand!

AUSTIN, Texas (UPI) -- Relationship power is moving in men’s favor — instead of U.S. men competing for women, women say they must compete for men, researchers say. Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker, sociologists at the University of Texas at Austin, describe the “price of sex” as the cost of romance, status, stability and commitment that men exchange for access to sex in a relationship. The researchers say despite women’s success in getting an education and careers, contemporary relationships are becoming more male-centered than ever, with men gaining access to sex earlier and more often, yet providing fewer and later commitments than one generation ago. “There have been many changes in romantic and sexual behavior over the past 30 years,” Regnerus says in a statement. “One is that the ‘price of sex’ among unmarried Americans has dipped to an all-time low.” The study authors used data from four national surveys and dozens of face-to-face interviews of men and women ages 18-23 to compile data for the study. “Men’s economic and educational successes have stalled, creating an environment in which fewer educated and financially-stable men are selecting mates from a larger pool of educated and financially-stable women,” Regnerus says. “It’s created an imbalance that tips relationship power in the direction of the men.”

I think I speak for most men when I say the only reason you go to school or get a job is to be able to make money so that chicks will want to F you, right? Like you need to have money so that you can pay for a place to live and buy all the shit that chicks like. But now you’re telling me I don’t even need to do that? Thats incredible news. I can just sit on my ass and not be educated or employed simply because all the other dudes in the world are doing that too and chicks will just be forced to settle. AND apparently I’ll have the upper hand in the relationship too? Outstanding. Its like the Costanza Effect.

What a disaster this is for chicks. In the spectacularly long list of shit that fucking SUCKS for chicks, the one thing they had going for them is that it was perfectly acceptable and encouraged to just become housewives and have a dude make all the money and pay for their entire lives. That was a pretty sweet gig, no? Sure you gotta churn babies out and you go through menopause and periods and all sorts of weird shit like that, but at the end of the day you never really needed to work or anything because the guy would take care of that. But not anymore I guess. Now they just have to settle for my educationally and economically stalled ass. All because you’re afraid the next guy might even be dumber and more poor than I am.

Even though I promise you he won’t be.