Gothamist – A convicted murderer and rapist behind bars concocted a plot to murder and castrate Justin Bieber and his bodyguard. The mastermind behind the bizarre plot Dana Martin is currently serving time in a New Mexico prison for the murder and rape of a 15-year-old girl in 2000, according to a local affiliate KRQE.com. Martin has an obsession with Bieber, including a tattoo of the pop star on his leg. Martin convinced a man he met in prison, Mark Staake, and his nephew Tanner Ruane to take out Bieber, his bodyguard and two previous acquaintances. The plan was for the duo to take out the two acquaintances in Vermont and then murder Bieber and his bodyguard while they were in New York City for their performance at Madison Square Garden last month. The plan included some grisly details: Martin wanted the men to strangle Bieber with a paisley tie—his “calling card”—and then castrate him with pruning shears. Martin blew the whistle on the whole plot for some reason and turned in Staake and Ruane. Staake was arrested on outstanding warrants in Vermont before he could carry out the plan. Ruane made it to New York and was recorded in a conversation with Staake, saying that he was disappointed that he couldn’t carry out the murders. Police in New York arrested him and at the time he had murder tools, including, yes, pruning shears.

How disappointed do you think this guy would have been when he found Bieber’s pussy? That’s gotta be the most embarrassing end to a murder/castration plot of all time. You got him tied up with the paisley tie. You got the pruning sheers ready. You peel off Bieber’s meggings and there’s just no dick to chop off. Talk about a big time premeditated buzzkill.

PS – I’ve always said this, but I absolutely believe theres a level of rich and famous that you don’t ever want to achieve. Like I would never want to be the Biebs. Being dead serious. The moment you have Mexican rapists in prison with tattoos of you plotting how to chop your dick off and murder you, thats the moment you’ve become too famous. No amount of money and pussy can be worth that.