Chicago – The parents of a Wilmington middle-school student are suing the school district after their daughter was allegedly made to urinate in a cup on the front steps of a moving school bus while on a school outing last January. The girl asked teachers to stop the bus so she could use a restroom during a field trip to a Chicago Wolves hockey game on Jan. 10, 2012, according to the complaint. Two teachers instead had her urinate into a cup on the bus’s front stairwell, the lawsuit says.

First of all, pissing in a cup is one of the worst things ever. And I’m talking about when you’re just alone in a doctor’s office, not on a moving bus coming back from the planetarium. But as a dude, its not too hard to accomplish. If your aim is really that bad, you can basically put your dick inside the cup and there’s zero percent chance you miss. Personally, my dick aim is impeccable. I’m an absolutely flawless pisser. Sometimes when I’m peeing in a cup for the doctor I’ll hold it as far away as I possibly can. Almost like a cocky bartender who’s trying to show off and he pours the liquor from like above his head into the shaker. Thats me in the bathroom at the doctor. Like fuckin Tom Cruise in Cocktail filling up that cup. Seat up, seat down, whatever. I can piss through a hole the size of a dime. Of course the hardest part is cutting off your piss early once the cup is full. Cutting off a pee session mid stream is damn near impossible. The only thing harder is trying to cut yourself off from busting a nut.

Anyway, I can’t even imagine how hard it is for chicks to pee in a cup.  Do you girls sit on the toilet to do it? Just squat? Put the cup in the front? In the back? How do you not pee all over your arm? I don’t know how it works but I’m just envisioning trying to blindly collect water from a leaky faucet and that sounds damn near impossible. Especially when you got a cheese bus full of 50 kids and a bus driver watching you do it on a moving vehicle. Chicks get serious stage fright as it is. They run the faucet and shit when they pee normally so nobody hears them. Imagine a chick dealing with peeing on a bus? Disaster. Chick is probably gonna win a billion dollars.

PS – I’m kidding about that whole dick aim thing. I usually just pee wherever I want and then wipe the seat with toilet paper when I’m done.