Maine – A school district in Maine is apologizing after middle school students learned about homosexual foreplay during what was supposed to be a “Diversity Day” presentation. “I don’t want my child taught heterosexual foreplay, let alone homosexual foreplay,” outraged parent Kristy Howard told Fox News. The principal of Gorham Middle School sent a letter to parents apologizing for the graphic nature of the presentation by PRYSM, Proud Rainbow Youth of Southern Maine. “They went beyond the scope of our intentions and discussed topics that we do not deem appropriate for our middle school,” Robert Riley wrote in a letter obtained by The American Journal. “We do not intend to expose them to ideas that are not within the scope of our teaching about responsible citizenship as it is embedded in our code of conduct.” Howard’s 13-year-old son was one of those who came home shocked by the presentation’s graphic nature. “They were talking about sex and if you didn’t have a condom – saran wrap could be used in place of a dental dam,” Howard told Fox News. “It was all new to me.”

Remember Diversity Day at school? What a weird fucking thing that was. At my school everyone in the class used to bring in a different “ethnic” dish representing their heritage. Problem was, I went to a normal, predominantly white school in the suburbs, so things weren’t really that ethnic. But there was always one Indian girl – I think her name was Lakshmi – who would bring in a bowl of mystery shit that would terrify the entire class. Even the teacher would shake her head and refuse to try it like Jerry at Poppie’s.

But I digress. This blog is about gay foreplay being taught to middle schoolers. So what? They’re 13 years old, it’s about time they were informed on the subjects of oral sex and dental dams and making sure you choose a quality lube. I actually would have loved to watch this presentation as a middle-schooler, no homo. It would be pure comedy. We used to giggle when the teacher said “Sperm whale.” So imagine a couple fruits acting out a rusty trombone on stage? The jokes would never end.

PS – How about this Kristy Howard bitch saying she doesn’t want her kid taught about heterosexual or homosexual foreplay? Get over yourself lady, the kids gotta learn how to finger something.

PPS – Yeah I blogged on Boston this morning and now I’m covering for KFC on NY. Two cities, one blogger. I’m the motherfucking Carmen Sandiego of Barstool.