NY PostThis is either the product of idle minds or something a little more brilliant than that, but I have a friend who has come up with something called the Fan Suffering Index. He is reluctant to give his name because much of the work on this subject has been done … well, at work. When he’s supposed to work on things other than figuring out how much it kills him to have rooted for the Mets, Jets, Islanders and Knicks in his lifetime. Anyway, it is a simple formula. And it works in ways you wouldn’t believe. Here it is:

Take an amount of time — for the purpose of this we’ll say 35 years, going back to 1977.  Add 10 for every championship (NC, for our purposes). Add 5 for every time the team has been a runner-up (RU). Add two for every playoff appearance (PA). Take the number of losing seasons, multiply by three, then subtract. (LS)

1. Mets — NC: 1. RU: 1. PA: 5. LS: 19. Total: 3.

2. Nets — NC: 0. RU: 2. PA: 16. LS: 22. Total: 11

3. Jets — NC: 0. RU: 0. PA: 12. LS: 14. Total: 17.

4. Knicks — NC: 0. RU: 2. PA: 21. LS: 17. Total: 36

5. Rangers — NC: 1. RU: 1. PA: 24. LS: 15. Total: 53

6. Islanders — NC: 4. RU: 1. PA: 18. LS: 17. Total: 65

7. Giants — NC: 4. RU: 1. PA: 14. LS: 14. Total: 66

8. Devils — NC: 3. RU: 1. PA: 21. LS: 8. Total: 82

9. Yankees — NC: 7. RU: 3. PA: 19. LS: 4. Total: 146.

Welp, there you have it folks. Its not surprising, really. We all know what the life of a Mets/Jets fan is. We all know how terrible my existence is. But never has it been so calculated. Never has it been so clear cut, black and white. Efficiently summarized in the universal language of mathematics. Its like when you know you’re broke, but it doesn’t really hit home until you check your online banking and see that you’re overdrawn.

I mean, more miserable than the fucking Nets? C’mon! If you dedicate your entire life to 2 of the bottom 3 teams under New York City’s Spectrum of Misery, you should pretty much kill yourself, right? I mean Vacarro basically provided me with a checklist to help me decide whether or not I should kill myself. The goddam answer is a resounding “Yes, yes you should, KFC.” 3! Fucking 3 for the Mets! A couple more losing seasons and they are gonna be in the negatives!

For you Boston Stoolies -

Red Sox since 1977 – Losing seasons  – 6 x 3=18. Playoff appearances – 12 x 2=24. World Series – 2 x 10 = 20. Runner up 1 x 5 = 5. 20 + 24+ 5 – 18 = 31

Patriots  – Losing seasons – 9 x 2 = 18. Playoff appearances = 17 x 2 = 54. Super Bowls = 3 x 10 = 30. Runner up = 4 x 5 = 20. 30 + 20 + 54 – 18 = 86.

Celtics  – Losing Seasons – 13 x 3 = 39. Playoffs 24 x 2 = 48. Finals – 4 x 10 = 40. Runner up 3 x 5 = 15. 48 +40+15-39 = 64. (Not nearly as good as I thought.)

I was gonna do Philly teams but I’m sitting here with a pen and paper and starting to feel like I’m accountant again so I’m done. Mo can do it for his teams. Also not 100% sure that all those numbers are right, I just scrolled through season by season results, may have miscounted some shit.

UPDATE: You gotta start with the number of years for the time period you are looking at, then add it to that total. So for the Boston teams since we are looking at 35 years, it Red Sox – 66, Pats – 112, Celtics – 99