The Daily What - It took two months and a whole team of MIT mechanical engineers and nano-technologists, but at long last, mankind has a solution to the ketchup bottle battle. LiquiGlide, a “super slippery” coating, is made up of nontoxic materials that allow the condiment to pour out smoothly, the way it was intended. The lubricant can be applied to all sorts of food packaging, but ketchup likely will be priority number one. One of the biggest challenges the team faced was making sure the coating was safe to consume, which meant ingredients had to be FDA-approved. “We had a limited amount of materials to pick from,” said team member Dave Smith, an MIT Ph.D. candidate. “I can’t say what they are, but we’ve patented the hell out of it.”

Welp, looks like I’m gonna have to completely revise my list of best every day inventions from a couple days ago. This is a game changer, folks. A life changer. The days of sitting at the restaurant looking like you’re jerking off a ketchup bottle are over. Gone are the days of giving up halfway through your bottle shaking with about 1/4 the ketchup you wanted because you just can’t take it anymore. No more “Hit the #57 symbol and it will come out!” No more sticking a knife all the way up there and getting ketchup all over the handle. Because the nerds at MIT have unlocked the secret to the ketchup bottle.

I know some people are gonna be like “Good thing you’re putting your mechanical engineering degree from MIT to good use!” but fuck them. People always act like if you’re a scientist all you should ever be doing is trying to cure cancer or some shit like that. Not to sound insensitive here, but I don’t have cancer. Lots of people don’t have cancer. And a ton more people like ketchup. So it might not exactly be as noble as curing a disease but you can bet your bottom fucking dollar fixing the ketchup bottle problem will effect literally millions of people every second of every day. Thats exactly what I’d wanna do with my MIT degree. Rid the world of one of its most frustrating problems and sit back and watch the money roll in.